Looking for information on the lessons that provide each one with the disease, I rescue a letter written by Mari Patxi Ayerra, a woman of extraordinary strength and a acute inner vision . It has been a pleasure to meet this morning with this stranger (body but not spirit) that generously opens his heart and tells us about the experience he is living through the disease. On the last line he explains that his desire is to help somebody through the letter and I am sure that it will be so. I share many of Mari Patxi's emotions and thoughts, for example the problem of resisting reality. If we all took more into account our convictions and trusted ourselves, there would be no disappointment or anguish since we would know that EVERYTHING HAS BEEN CHOSEN by oneself and always with The same end: to evolve. We will not be immersed in self-esteem or sadness because illness always brings a lesson and it is there that it is worth paying attention. In the end the ACCEPTANCE, one of the high levels of Consciousness opens the doors of understanding and carries the keys that explain the reason for the concrete choice of your disease. The rest is getting lost in a tragic maze without light or exit. Accept the reality that brings changes, learn from the signs and look inside, listen to your breath to focus attention on yourself, expand on the understanding, and finally trust you.
THANKS MARI PATXI.
“After listening to Díez Alegría, this wise man, such an interesting experience, I feel a certain modesty to share with you what the disease has brought to my life. In my best professional moment, in a time of family stability, when I was beginning to enjoy being a grandmother, when everything was tied and well tied, my body began to bother. I lost my memory twice and my eyes and head began to fail. At first I thought that it could be due to my excess of passion in my entertainment activities, which I love, in addition to the domestic ones, that I love less, and I proposed a time of greater inner life and abandonment, that is, I started intensify my part of Maria and give rest to my activist part of Marta. Even so, my memory and eyes continued to fail and when I went to the hospital I had more symptoms than I had perceived. I was diagnosed with cerebral infarction and possible multiple sclerosis and started my pilgrimages to doctors and hospitals.
I was suddenly sick. I began to feel the fragility of my head. I doubted many things and, even worse, those around almost all my statements and facts doubted. I had a fairly agile mind, but since then I spend many moments wrapped in doubts or sitting in front of the computer or before a closet, or before a person, with no other security than doubt and with the terrible feeling that I can't trust myself already from me Someday my tears will produce a short circuit on my computer ...
Until that moment I had been the owner of my life and, since I left the hospital, the others were the owners of my diagnoses and my sanitary itineraries. I had lost that fast pace that I liked so much. I have been a woman who has squeezed life to the fullest, that I have lived madly "in fifth" ... and now I have to learn to live "first", to go slowly through life and with others. I liked to go ahead and throw ... today I go behind and letting myself take care and push. This is the best that the disease has brought me. Suddenly, I was in the lead, now I am learning to go behind helped by others.
It is the same feeling I feel when my children run the Madrid marathon and the whole family goes from corner to corner, with banners, clapping and cheering. To me that I liked running the marathon of life so much, today I have to applaud and cheer; not letting the nostalgia of my previous speeds escape me, but being attentive to maintaining the enthusiasm of others in their career.
The disease has made me vulnerable, but at the same time it has wrapped me in the wonderful gift of feeling cared for, pampered, treated. I need everything and everyone. From my GP, who does not cure me but takes care of me and researches looking for my health, to mine, near and far, neighbors and friends. I need everyone and everyone has a lot to thank.
If I was worried about my husband's retirement before, because of the brake that could be supposed for my activity, today the disease has taken care of putting me in my place, of having him by my side taking care of me and supporting me so that everything is as easy as possible. Your retirement has been my gift to facilitate some household chores and to always be better accompanied.
I would like to accept with simplicity my ten kilos of more that have brought my tiredness and lack of exercise; the double vision, which makes it difficult for me to work at times and invites me to “get inside” and internalize and be more reflective. There are days when my joints hurt, my mind is stiff and my body too. It is then that I have to resort to my deep forces, remember that "I am not what I do" and let myself be like that, physically diminished, without anguish. It is then that my inner energy flows more strongly and makes me more aware of being an inhabited woman.
I had to leave many of my activities, which made me feel valid. I have reduced the invitations in our house because I quickly get tired as a hostess ... and it costs me ... I have a hard time not having that domestic agility that made me improvise a meal for everyone who arrived or stay with my grandchildren whenever they lent them to me. It seems silly, but lowering the family pace is one of the things that are costing me the most. I liked to keep that house open, that table always ready for so many years we have tried to have.
When they ask me on the phone how I am, I realize that I lack the simplicity of saying “today I am disgusted or I am still not well”… I always answer that I am very well, and it is because, deep down, there in The last corner of the soul is my vanity of wanting to be the superego. And I feel sorry for not having the same rhythm as my husband, my children, my coworkers or my friends, and sometimes I cry for a while and get angry inside. I don't like being a "spoiler", but I have days when my body does not respond and I have to spend it lying or sitting, doing nothing else.
But when I put myself in prayer everything is put in place. I no longer feel sorry for what I was and I am not, but I feel enormous desires to live the present, like this, without memory and enjoy it in full lungs, as I am, without masking the disease. And I feel that in the project that God has for me also comes the fragility of being sick, even without concrete diagnosis, and that I who am a speaker, of the divine and of the human, I also have to tell how I feel it, how much I fight, what springs I have. And I feel the dream of God on me, for each day, whether from work or from perishing on the couch, only for others to pamper me and, through me, live the tenderness and know how to care.
The time of sickness, of bed, of loneliness, is a time that facilitates intimacy with God, helps me to be even closer to Him and feel his light for my personal history. And in my dialogue with Him I calm down inside, I calm down and my fears fade, and I submerge myself completely at every moment, without nostalgia for yesterday or fears of tomorrow.
And my image of super mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend and cheerleader who has gone to hell, has been changed to that of a fragile, calm, lazy, tired woman, who lets herself be cared for, who needs a lot and that generates her around details and tenderness that others give him. So mine have me more, the close ones have me more and I detach myself a little from myself. It is not that I have become a hoarder, no, I take special care that everyone lives their life, without being too affected by my illness, but for them it is also a lesson that life offers them. Something important has happened to them, which unites us and makes us tender.
There have been so many gifts that I have received in this time of illness! ... There have been so many domestic, sanitary, gastronomic, affectionate affections that I have received in these two years and peak that I would need a lifetime to thank. I, who liked to give and give me so much, I'm having the privilege of being able to make others feel the same about me, from my doorman, the photocopier, the wallet, the neighbor, the partner, the teacher, the doctor, the shoemaker… and a very long etc. of people.
My body has broken down, at times my head is confused, my eyes come double and some more pieces fail me, but my heart is strong I think it has also become inflamed and that's why I needed a few extra kilos, so that my ability to wanting and enjoying cupiera in this pachucho body that is improving my soul.
I have been one of those who have pulled a lot of my body and I have barely heard him. I have learned that you have to know how to take care of yourself to take care of yourself and you have to give the body its ration of rest, exercise, food and love it needs. Mine has claimed it and now that I take care of it we get along better.
I am learning to lose control of things, moments and people. I no longer own my agenda, because I don't know how I am going to wake up tomorrow: whether radiant or made a piltrafa. I have also learned to be sick but to be happy and to have pain, but not suffering. I would have won the disease if I had not supported myself in the ability to laugh at myself and at the soap opera I am telling you.
I am living this stage of my life with intensity, deeply, and thus I have been fortunate to know other new situations for myself, such as the sick and the healthcare world, so far from me in other times. It has even opened doors for me to approach elderly or sick people in situations of equality. The other day he received the anointing of the sick accompanied by mine. It was a beautiful experience of family complicity. How true it is that when one is sick, the whole family is a little sick! And together we are growing a lot with what is happening to us.
I don't know how long this will last, nor how the outcome will be, but it doesn't matter. I am living the day, trying to get in and out of everything in every situation. Today I am fine and I can tell you, tomorrow I may have to be quiet and it also has its meaning and mission. I like to take advantage of my moments of silence to extend my interest in humanity in prayer for and with the world.
This is my experience of the disease, I am sorry I don't know how to tell it better, but I share what I feel and what God is doing with it in my life, in case someone serves. Thank you for your attention.
Source: http://medicinacuantica.net/
