“Dear Saint-Germain, I was once married, but we couldn't stay together as husband and wife. Since our divorce, we have remained close friends, and we still share many things together. Although we both want to get married again, we fear we will have to give up our friendship for this. What should we do? Thank you."
I AM Saint-Germain. Today we are going to deal with your fear of becoming a couple again. But before starting, Alexandra and Dan wanted me to share this quote from a famous writer, Mark Twain:
“In twenty years you will be more disappointed in the things you did not do than the ones you did. Therefore, loose moorings, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the wind of change in your sails. Explore It sounds. Discover."
This is very good advice for you, too, because it reminds you to stop worrying so much about the "location" of your relationship - and start enjoying the trip - instead. Look, your anxiety of being in an intimate relationship again is really simply your fear speaking to you. Your fear is telling you that you will never reach the destination of the relationship you want - a fictional site, called "happiness" - because you are not doing what is required to guarantee this type of result.
So, how does Twain's quote apply to your current hopes and dreams of intimacy?
This passage suggests that the true joy that you will find, if you start an intimate relationship again, is the pleasure of travel - moving through life together -. This has nothing to do with a site called "happiness" that both must fight to get someday. It's about sharing day by day. Will your trip be pleasant and full of life, or full of drama and tension?
This is totally up to you, as you know.
Where does your trip begin?
Your trip back to intimacy, starts exactly where you are right now ... With the memories, lessons, and experiences you have had with your previous husband, and also with the friendship you enjoy with him now. This is the starting point for the new journey of intimacy that you will start with someone else. Anything new or different that you are going to experience with a new partner, must necessarily begin with the end of your marriage. All new beginnings begin with endings. Therefore, the question you are already asking is "Am I ready to release my old marriage?"
This is not a trivial question, and you are wise to see it now, before starting something new. Your marriage has introduced you to the realm of intimacy. It was your start and deserves your honor. They both traveled some distance together on that trip; and only now are they ready to go on with someone else again. This is, as it should be, and it is perfectly normal.
The problem you have now, is that you are letting the unpleasant experiences of your first relationship influence your expectations of what a new relationship will bring you. Of course, the caution and wisdom you acquired can be useful here, as long as you don't take them too far.
Think about it this way ... Would you like to decide in advance, how will your trip to Tokyo be, based solely on the memories of your trip to London many years ago? Of course not. They are two completely different cities. And although some travel elements will be the same for both destinations; What you will experience in Tokyo cannot be predicted accurately or pre-qualified by what you have already experienced in London.
My friend, moving from one intimate relationship to another is no different.
You are a Free Spirit.
My dear friend, I would like to share another perspective with you about this situation in your life. You are a free spirit; a fearless and open-minded person, who is always ready to start new things in life. This is something that makes you a very brave person. You are not afraid to start something new; start and start creative activities - and also be involved in creative relationships and partnerships of all kinds -.
Because you are such a free spirit and you don't like to feel limited in any way, you may feel that intimate relationships are not going to be respectful of who you are as a person. It is possible that you are conditioned based on your previous experiences, to believe that they will not give you the security and qualification you need in a relationship; the safety and exception of being yourself.
Instead, intimate relationships may feel a bit too controlling for you. And this is something that has been a problem for you in your past. Both you and your former husband may have a tendency to cling to each other to feel emotionally and physically safe in the world, and loved in ways they needed in the past. However, by clinging to each other in this way, and to the past they shared, they are not giving themselves the freedom to grow, evolve, and be more of who they are now.
That is why it can be very good for you now, let go of the control.
Fear of losing control.
When you release any desire you may have to control this situation, it will not cause you to lose friendship. No, I will not. Because where there is love, there will always be the possibility of friendship.
But if you allow any persistent desire to control this relationship to continue within you, or if they try to hold on to each other for security, then there will also be fear, suffering, and anguish. Because as long as one chooses to act from a place of fear, either consciously or unconsciously, the possibilities of love are being prevented from entering. And this is what you want now - an opportunity to share love and intimacy again with a partner.
I encourage you to look at you now, and see why you fear releasing this relationship with your former husband. Examine the underlying need you have to cling to, or control the outcome of this relationship instead of freeing yourself to something better, as you have indicated that they are ready to do now.
Do not fear the loss of your friendship, but instead look at what this friendship has been providing you that you are now ready to provide yourself. Accept the fact that you have grown more than something you shared together, and that you are both ready to grow in love and kindness again with someone else. This is really a wonderful understanding, if you allow it.
This is the important message for you today. And I would like you to work with it and see how you want to continue from that. It's a lot of information to drive, I know, and I would like to thank you for this opportunity to work with you, and to be with you by your side.
Certainly, it's ME, Saint-Germain, along with Alexandra, and your other friends and guides.
More About Your Relationship.
This is Dan now. Before concluding our session time together, there is astrological information about your relationship with your former husband that you might want to consider. So I would like to get into this for a moment.
After studying your letters, I have to say that one of the key characteristics about the relationship you had, and that you can still have with your ex-husband, has to do with complementarity versus compensation.
Each has strong points of emphasis on their astrological charts, and each has areas that are not so strongly emphasized. These can be complemented, as I will explain in a minute, and this can be very satisfying. But on the other hand, if each of you is compensating for the other in areas where you may feel deficient or underdeveloped, then you may be suspicious of releasing the other person. You may feel uncomfortable because each one is providing something that the other believes he or she needs.
In your case, your birth letter shows a greater emphasis on reasoning as a means of responding to life than your ex-husband does. It also shows a more fiery disposition, as well as an inner thrust that encourages you to take risks and show initiative outside the world. But your letter also shows a greater tendency to assume the responsibilities and burdens of others, especially responsibilities that have to do with providing physical security to others. In addition, you tend to be more oriented towards the “end result” in life. These are the goals that you think you can achieve, and the things that your ambitions can satisfy. You seem to be less oriented towards the internal processes of life, which feel more with emotions, than with the mind.
Your ex-husband, on the other hand, has a very strong signature in his letter. He seems to respond to life more based on his feelings, and seems to be much more involved with his internal processes than you could be. However, its focus on goals, objectives, results, and purpose is probably not as strong as yours.
When they were together and married, and perhaps now - since they have remained good friends - you may have felt the need to help your husband feel safe, secure, and physically and financially anchored in the world. You may have felt the need to provide inspiration, direction, and the reasoning power to your relationship. He, on the other hand, is very likely to have supplied the emotional and feeling side of the relationship, since this is particularly strong in his letter. This is what I was talking about before, when I said that the main guideline they have with each other is "complementarity versus compensation."
What I am saying here is that their ability to relate emotionally, and your ability to interact intellectually probably complemented them, when things were going well. But when things were not going well, they were compensated. You assumed the roles of reasoning and that of "results oriented" in the relationship. This may have included taking care of the practical details necessary to be physically and financially safe in the world.
In turn, he probably held the emotional energies for the relationship, and played a role that was primarily focused on the processes of feeling that they were both experiencing. This may have been your area of expertise, if I can use this term here slightly.
I am suggesting that the relationship they had when they were married, and that they may now have as friends, is one in which they are compensated for their areas of underdevelopment, with their own areas of specialization, will not work anymore.
Very specifically, I am suggesting that interacting emotionally and communicating on an emotional level with a partner may be an area with which you need to feel more comfortable. This can be an area of underdevelopment for you, when it comes to partnering. Your ex-husband may have compensated for this in your relationship. This may have prevented you from developing more focus on emotional processes in life, and the wonderful ways that this can increase your enjoyment of an intimate relationship.
If you have not prepared to interact on a more vulnerable and emotional level with a partner, then it may be causing you some anxiety about getting married again - even if you feel very attracted to open up to the possibility now.
And also, you may fear the loss of your relationship with your former husband, in case you marry again, because he may still be providing you with emotional support and access to the "sentient side" of life. You may fear losing your friendship precisely because a part of you still unconsciously depends on him compensating for you as he did before, experiencing and expressing the deepest and most emotional side of life for you.
Remember what Saint-Germain has said before, "Do not fear the loss of this relationship, but look at what it has been providing you that you are now ready to provide." Think about where they have been complementing each other, and then think about where they could be compensating instead. Then, when you decide to move towards a new relationship with someone else, you will carry with you not only the memories of the past, but also the conscious integration of those experiences into the person you have become today.
Thank you for choosing to do this session with us, and always remember that you are deeply loved.
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I am what I am, Maribel of Sovereign Domain.
This channeling is part of a personal reading with Saint-Germain.
It is reproduced here with the client's permission.
Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack
www.joyandclarity.com
Translated by Maribel González -
