If we hear each other when we speak, we are likely to hear phrases like these:
Why are there so many bad drivers?
It is that people are stupid.
I am a perfect fool.
He would do it if he wasn't so fat.
It is the most horrible clothes I've seen in my life.
They can never finish that job.
I am that I am inept.
The people here are very dirty.
My neighbors are very loud.
No one asks for my opinion.
Isn't it amazing that you ride with that old car?
He has a repellent laugh.
Sounds like your internal dialogue? Is your inner voice constantly criticizing? Do you always look at the world with critical eyes? Are you the judge of everything? Are you pharisaically as an example?
Almost all of us have the habit of criticizing and judging so ingrained that it is not easy for us to get rid of it. In addition, it is the problem with which we must work immediately, because we will never really love ourselves if we do not leave behind the need to aggravate life.
As babies, we were all totally open to life. We contemplated the world with eyes full of amazement. Unless something scared us or hurt us, we accepted life as it was. Then, as we grow up, we begin to accept the opinions of others and consider them as our own. We learned to criticize.
Ask yourself:
1. What was the pattern in your family?
2. What did you learn from your mother about criticizing?
3. What were the things she criticized?
4. Did I criticize you?
5. Why?
6. When did your father show himself as a judge?
7. Did he judge himself?
8. How did your father judge you?
9. Was criticizing each other a family guideline?
10. How and when was it practiced?
11. Do you remember when it was the first time you were criticized?
12. How did your family judge the neighbors?
13. At school, did you have teachers who gave you support and affection?
Or were they always telling you what your flaws were?
14. Are you starting to see where you could have taken that model?
Who was the most critical person among those around you when you were a child?
Perhaps they made you believe that to grow and change it is necessary for one to criticize oneself. But we don't agree with that concept at all!
I think criticism shrinks our spirits. They do nothing but impose on us the belief that we are useless, and certainly they do not bring out the good that is in us.
Isn't it amazing how much time you have scolded yourself for the same thing? And that habit has not brought you any positive change, right? Exactly. Criticisms do not work! They only get one to feel bad. Then, get ready to end that custom.
For a child to grow and flourish, he needs love, acceptance and praise. People can be shown "better" ways of doing things without making them feel that the way they are doing them is "wrong." The child inside you still needs love and approval. Try these phrases:
• I love you and I know you are doing the best you can.
• As you are, you are perfect.
• Every day you become more charming.
• I agree with you.
• Let's see if we find a better way to do this.
• Growing up and changing is fun, and we can do it together.
These are the words that children want to hear, because they make them feel good. And when they feel good, it's when they do everything best. They develop wonderfully.
If your child or your inner child is accustomed to constantly hearing that he is "wrong" or "doing it wrong", he may need plenty of time to accept these new and positive words. If you definitely make the decision to give up criticism, and keep it, you can get miracles.
Give yourself a month to speak positively with your inner child. Use the statements I just suggested and make a list of your own. Take a list of those statements with you.
When you realize that you are getting critical, take out the list and read it two or three times. And even better if you do it out loud and in front of a mirror.
(Source: "Love yourself", Louise Hay).
