My story
"We are all one."
“Do you want to briefly tell me about your childhood?” Here is a question I have asked many clients, and not because I need to know all the details, but because I want to have an overview of their origin. If they now have problems, the mental models that created them began a long time ago.
When I was a year and a half, my parents decided to divorce. I don't remember that it was so bad, but what I do remember with horror is the fact that my mother started working in a house, doing housework, and left me in charge of a friendly family. According to what they say, I spent three weeks crying non-stop, and since the people who took care of me didn't know what to do, my mother had to come find me and arrange things differently. Today I admire how he managed to get ahead without any support, but then all I knew, and that mattered to me, was that he didn't pay me the affectionate attention I was used to.
I have never been able to know if my mother loved my stepfather, or if she simply married him so that she and I could have a home. But the decision was not right. This man had grown up in Europe, in a very Germanic and very brutal home, and he never understood that there was another way to run a family. My mother became pregnant again and then, when I was five years old, the depression of 1930 came and the two of us, together with my sister, were confined to a house where violence reigned.
To complete the picture, it was also around that time when a neighbor, an old drunk, raped me. I still remember with complete clarity the medical examination and the process, of which I, as the main witness, was the star. The man was sentenced to fifteen years in prison, and as they insistently repeated to me that "the fault was mine", I spent many years fearing that when they would release him he would come to take revenge on me for having had the evil to send him to jail.
I spent most of my childhood enduring physical and sexual abuse, and also doing the toughest jobs. My image of myself deteriorated more and more, and there didn't seem to be many things that suited me well. By the way, I began to express that same pattern in the outside world.
When I was in fourth grade there was a typical incident of what my life was. One day we had a party at school, and several cakes were served. Most of the children, except me, were from middle class families, in a relaxed position. I was poorly dressed, with badly cut hair and some old black shoes, and it smelled like garlic: every day I had to eat raw garlic, "for worms." At home, we never ate cakes, because we couldn't afford it. There was an old neighbor who gave me a dime every week, and a dollar on my birthday and Christmas. The ten cents were going to thicken the family budget, and with the dollar they bought me underwear for the whole year, on sale.
Well, that day of the party at school there were so many cakes that some boys who could eat cake almost every day served two or three servings. When the teacher finally got to where I was (and naturally I was the last one), there was nothing left, not a single portion.
Now I see clearly that it was my "confirmed belief" that I was useless and deserved nothing that day put me at the end of the line and left me without cake. That was my mental model, and they only reflected my beliefs.
At fifteen I could no longer endure sexual abuse and escaped from home and school. I found a job as a waitress that seemed much more bearable than everything I had to endure at home.
As I was alive with love and affection, and my self-esteem could not be lower, I willingly paid with my body any kindness that anyone could show me, and just sixteen years old. I gave birth to you a girl. I felt it was impossible to stay with her, but I could find her a good and affectionate home, a marriage without children who was eager to have a baby. During the last four months he lived in his house, and when he entered the hospital he wrote down the girl in their name.
In such circumstances, I never enjoyed the joys of motherhood; from her I only knew the loss, the shame and the guilt. That was only a time of humiliation that had to happen as soon as possible. The only thing I remember from the girl is the big toes, exactly the same as mine, and I am sure that if we ever met, I would recognize her if I could see them. He gave it up when he was five days old.
I immediately returned home to tell my mother, that she was still a victim:
Come on, you don't have to continue supporting this. I'm going to get you out of here.
And he came with me, leaving my ten-year-old sister with his father, who had always been pampered by him.
After having helped her get a job as a cleaning woman in a small hotel, and leaving her installed in an apartment where she was safe and comfortable, she felt that she had already fulfilled my obligations and I went with a friend to Chicago, with the intention of being a month but did not return until after thirty years.
In those early days, the violence of which I had been subjected in my childhood, together with the sense of uselessness and insignificance that had created me, attracted men who They mistreated me and even beat me. I could have spent the rest of my life exempting them, and probably today I would still have the same experiences. However, little by little, thanks to my positive work activities, my self-esteem was increasing and that type of men was disappearing from my life. I was abandoning my old mental model, my unconscious conviction that I deserved those abuses. It is not about justifying their behavior, but if my mental model had not been here, they would not have been attracted to me. Now, men who abuse women do not even know that I exist; Our respective mental models are no longer attracted.
After a few years in Chicago, doing housework, I went to New York and was lucky to become a model of haute couture. However, not even working for great designers helped me increase my self-esteem a lot; It only gave me additional resources to find defects. I refused to recognize my own beauty.
For many years I continued in the fashion industry. I met an English gentleman, charming and polite, and married him. We travel all over the world, we met important people, including royalty, and we even had dinner at the White House. I was a model and was married to a wonderful man, but my self-esteem remained low until years later, when I started interior work.
One day, after fourteen years of marriage, he told me that he wanted to marry another, precisely when I was beginning to believe that good things could be lasting. Yes, it was a crushing blow. But time passes, and I survived. I could feel how my life changed, and one spring scientist confirmed it to me, telling me that a very small event would change my life in the fall.
So small it was that I didn't meet him until several months later. In a completely casual way he had gone to a meeting held in the Church of Religious Science, a Protestant sect, in New York. His message was new to me, and an inner voice told me to pay attention. I did so, and not only did I go to Sunday services, but I started going to weekly classes that they gave. The world of beauty and fashion was losing interest for me, and I wondered how much longer I could keep an eye on my “bodily measures or the shape of my eyebrows. Having dropped out of high school without ever studying anything, I became an avid student who devoured everything that fell into my hands concerning metaphysics and healing.
That New York church became my new home. Although in general my life did not change, my new studies began to take more and more time. Three years later, almost without realizing it, I was able to examine myself to be one of the healers authorized by my church. I passed the tests and that's how I started, many years ago, my current activity.
They were small beginnings. During that time I started in Transcendental Meditation. Since the training courses that interested me were not going to take place in my church that year, I decided to do something more for myself and I signed up to study for six months in the MIL) (Maharishi's International University), in Fairfield, lowa.
At that time, it was the perfect place for me. Every Monday morning we started with a new topic: things that I had barely heard about, such as biology, chemistry, even the theory of relativity. We were tested every Saturday morning, Sunday was the day of rest, and Monday morning we started again.
There were none of the distractions so typical of my life in New York. After dinner, we all went to our rooms to study. I was the oldest of all, and I loved that. Smoking, drinking or using any drugs were not allowed, and we meditated four times a day. When I left, at the airport, I thought I was going to pass out because of cigarette smoke.
Back in New York, I restarted my usual life. Soon I began the training courses of healers in my church, and also actively participated in their social activities. I started talking at noon meetings and having clients, so it didn't take long to see myself embarked on a career of exclusive dedication. From the work I was doing, I came up with the idea of writing a small volume, Heal Your Body, which began as a simple list of metaphysical causes of physical illnesses. I started traveling and giving lectures and classes.
Then, one day, I was diagnosed with cancer.
With my history of having been raped at age five, and with the ill-treatment I had suffered, it was not uncommon for cancer to manifest itself in the vaginal area.
Like anyone who has just been told that he has cancer, I was totally panicked. However, after — all my work with clients, I knew that mental healing worked, and there I was offered the opportunity to prove myself. After all, I had written a book about mental models, and I knew that cancer is a disease caused by deep resentment, contained for so long that it literally devours the body. And I had refused to dissolve the anger and resentment that, from my childhood I harbored against "them." There was no time to lose, I had a lot of work ahead.
The incurable word, so frightening for so many people, for me means that that ailment, whatever it may be, cannot be cured by external means, and that to find healing we must go inside. If I had surgery to get rid of cancer, but I was not freed from the mental model that had created it, the doctors would do nothing but keep cutting Louise to pieces until they no longer had Louise to cut. And I didn't like that idea.
If I had surgery to remove the cancerous formation, and also freed me from the mental model that caused it, the cancer would not return. If the cancer (or any other disease) comes back, I don't think it's because “they didn't remove it at all”, but rather because the patient has not changed their mentality, and simply recreates the same disease, perhaps in a different part of the body.
I also believed that if I could free myself from the mental model that had created that cancer, I wouldn't even need the operation. Then I tried to save time, already reluctantly, the doctors gave me three more months when I said I had no money.
Immediately, I assumed responsibility for my own healing. I read and researched everything I could find about alternative ways to collaborate in my healing process.
I went to various health food stores and bought all the books I found on the topic of cancer. I went to the library to read more. I gained knowledge with reflexotherapy and colon therapy, and I thought that both would benefit me. It seemed that something was leading me towards the right people. After reading books on reflex therapy, I decided to look for an expert in the subject. One night I attended a conference, and although I generally feel forward, that time I felt I had to stay behind. Not a minute had passed when a man sat next to me ... who happened to be a reflex-therapist and visited at home. For two months he came to see me three times a week, and he helped me a lot.
I also knew that I had to love myself much more. In my childhood I had expressed very little love, and no one had taught me that it was good to feel happy with myself. I had adopted those same attitudes of continually pricking and criticizing myself, and they had become my second nature.
During my work I had come to realize that it was not only good that I loved myself and approved of myself: it was essential. And, nevertheless, he kept postponing it, as that diet is letting go that we will always start tomorrow. But I couldn't delay it anymore. At the beginning it was very difficult for me to do things such as stand in front of the mirror and say: “Louise, I love you; I really love you. ” However, as I persisted, I discovered that in my life there were several situations in which I would have been harshly censored before, but now, thanks to the exercise of the mirror, I no longer did so. That is, I was progressing.
I understood that I had to free myself from the mental models of resentment that I had been holding since my childhood. It was essential that he stop cultivating resentment.
Yes, I had a very difficult childhood and had suffered many ill-treatment, mental, physical and sexual. But that was many years ago, and that was no excuse for the way I treated myself at that time. I was literally devouring my body with cancerous growth because I had not forgiven.
It was time for me to leave those incidents behind and to begin to understand what experiences my parents might have had to treat a girl that way.
With the help of a good therapist, I expressed all the old accumulated anger, pounding pillows and howling in rage. That made me feel cleaner. Then I began to gather fragments of the stories I had heard from my parents about their own childhood, and to have a clearer picture of their life. With growing understanding, and from an adult point of view, I began to feel compassion for his suffering, and resentment slowly began to dissolve.
I also looked for a good dietitian to help me purify the body and detoxify it from all the junk I had eaten for years. I learned that bad food accumulates in the body and intoxicates it. And "bad thoughts" accumulate and create toxic conditions in the mind. They gave me a very strict diet, with lots of leafy vegetables and not much else. I even had a colon cleansing treatment three times a week, during the first month.
And although I did not undergo any operation, as a result of that thorough cleaning, both mentally and physically, six months after the first diagnosis I got the doctors to confirm what I already knew: That I no longer had traces of cancer! Now I knew from personal experience that the disease can be cured if we are willing to change the way we think, believe and act.
Sometimes, what seems like a great tragedy ends up being the best thing that has happened to us in life. I learned a lot from that experience; among other things, to value life differently. I began to take into account what really mattered to me, and finally I decided to leave that treeless city that is New York, and its extreme temperatures. Some of my clients insistently begged me to stay, telling me that I would die if I left them, but I assured them that twice a year I would watch again their progress, and reminded them that by phone you can talk to anywhere in the world. So I closed the business and went quietly by train to California, determined to make Los Angeles my starting point.
As much as I was born there, many years before, I no longer knew almost anyone, except my mother and my sister, who lived in the suburbs. We had never been a very close or very communicative family, but even so, for me it was an unpleasant surprise to know that my mother had been blind for a few years, without anyone having bothered to tell me. And since my sister was too busy to see me, I left her alone and began to organize my new life.
My book Heal his body opened many doors for me. I began to attend all the meetings of the New Age movements that I came to know. I introduced myself, and at the appropriate time I gave them a copy of the book. During the first six months I went to the beach a lot, because I knew that when I was busier I would have less time for those leisure time. Slowly, customers appeared. They asked me to speak in different places, and things began to take shape as they got to know me in Los Angeles. A couple of years later I was able to move to a beautiful house.
My new lifestyle was separated by an abyss of conscience from what my childhood had been. In fact, things were going very well for me, and I thought how quickly it can completely change our lives.
One night I received a phone call from my sister, the first in two years. He told me that our mother, already ninety years old, blind and almost deaf, had fallen and had broken her back. At one time, my mother went from being a strong and independent woman to becoming a helpless and suffering child.
When she broke her back, the wall of solitary confinement that surrounded my sister was also broken. Finally, we began to establish contact. I discovered that my sister also had a serious back problem, which bothered her to walk and sit, and that it was very painful. She suffered in silence, and although she seemed abnormal, her husband did not know she was sick.
After spending a month in the hospital, my mother was able to return home, but since she could not take care of herself, she came to live with me.
As much as I trusted the process of life, I did not know how to manage all this, so that I addressed God: `` Well, I am well I'll take care of her, but you'll have to help me, and make sure I don't lack money.
For both it was an adaptation effort. She arrived on a Saturday, and the following Friday I had to go to San Francisco four days. He couldn't leave her alone, but he had to go. I turned to God again: `` Take care of this. Before I leave I have to have the right person to help me. ”
On Thursday, the perfect person had "appeared", who moved home to organize everything. It was another confirmation of one of my basic beliefs: "Anything I need to know is revealed to me, and everything I need comes to me according to the correct divine order."
I realized that I was again at a suitable time to learn. I was given an opportunity to get rid of a lot of waste from my childhood.
My mother had not been able to protect me when I was a child, but now I could, and wanted, take care of her. A new adventure began for me between my mother and my sister.
Giving my sister the help she asked for was also a challenge. I learned that many years ago, when I went to rescue my mother, my stepfather turned his fury and his pain on my sister, and then it was up to her to endure her brutalities.
I realized that what had begun as a physical problem was greatly exaggerated by fear and tension, in addition to the conviction that no one could help her. So there was Louise, who did not want to act as a savior, but did give her sister a chance to decide to be well, at that height of her life.
Slowly the skein began to unravel, and in that we continue. We are progressing step by step, and I strive to offer you a climate of security while we continue to explore various alternative healing pathways.
My mother, on the other hand, reacts very well. He does exercises, the best he can, four times a day, and is getting stronger and more flexible. I ordered a hearing aid, and now she is more interested in life. I also managed to convince her to have an eye cataract operated, and what a joy it was for her to see again, and for us to be able to see the world again with her eyes! And he feels happy to be able to read again.
My mother and I have begun to find time to sit and chat together as we never had. Between us there is a new understanding, and today we are both freer to laugh, cry and hug. Sometimes it irritates me, but I know that just means that I still have cleanups to do.
My work continues to open horizons. Now, with the help of Charlie Gehrke, a great collaborator and friend, I have opened a center where classes and courses are given.
And so is my life in the fall of 1984.
In the infinity of life, where I am, everything is perfect, complete and whole.
Each of us experiences the richness and fullness of life in the way that enriches it most.
Now I look at the past with love, and decide to learn from my old experiences.
There is no truth or error, there is neither good nor evil.
The past, the past: it's over.
There is only the experience of the moment.
For bringing myself from the past to the present moment, I love myself.
I share that and what I am because I know that in Spirit we are all one.
Everything is fine in my world.
In the depths of my being there is an infinite spring of love.
Now, I allow that love to surface, to fill my heart, body, conscience, the totality of my being, and to radiate in all directions from me, and to return to me multiplied. The more love I spend and deliver, the more I have to give, because the provision is endless. That expense of love makes me feel good, because it is an expression of my inner joy. Because I love myself, I take care of my body with love. With love I feed it with healthy and nutritious foods and drinks, with love I clean and see it, and my body, vibrant with health and energy, responds with love. Because I love myself, I try to have a comfortable home that meets all my needs and where it is a pleasure to be. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter them feel that love and feed on it. Because I love myself, I work on something that I really like to do, in an activity that brings into play my talent and my creative ability, working with and for people I love and who love me, and making a good living. Because I love myself, I conduct myself and I think with love in everyone, because I know that what comes out of me returns to me multiplied. To my world I attract only people capable and worthy of love, because they are a mirror of who I am. Because I love myself, forgive the past and completely free myself from it. By freeing myself from all past experience, I am free. Because I love myself, I totally love the present, experiencing every moment in its goodness, and knowing that my future is bright, joyful and secure, because I am a beloved creature of the Universe, and the Universe lovingly deals with me, now and for forever and ever. So is.
Reprinted with permission, from Heal Your Body by Louise L. Hay.
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR HOLISTIC HEALING
Body
Nutrition
Diet, food combination, macrobiotic, natural herbs, vitamins, Bach flower remedies, homeopathy.
Exercise
Yoga, trampoline, walking, dance, cycling, tai-chi, martial arts, swimming, sports, etc.
Alternative therapies
Acupuncture, acupressure, acupressure, colon therapy, reflex therapy, radionics, chromotherapy, aromatherapy, massage and body work.
Alexander, bioenergetics, avalanche by touch (touch for bealth), Feldenkreis, deep tissue work, rolfing, posture integration, polarity therapy, Trager, Reiki.
Relaxation techniques
Systematic desensitization, deep breathing, bio-feedback, sauna, hydrotherapy, (hot tub), inclined board, music.
books
Simonton, Getting Well Again
Royal Herbally Yours
Airóla, How to Get Well
Bieler, Food is Your Best Medicine
There, / Love My Body
Mind
Affirmations, visualization, guided fantasy, meditation, love the Self.
Psychological techniques
Gestalt, hypnosis, NLP, concentration, TA, rebirth, dream work, psychodrama, regression to past lives, Jung, humanistic psychotherapies, astrology, art therapy.
Groups
Insight, est (Erhard Semmars Trainmg), rebirth.
books
Gawain, Creative Visualization
Bry, Visualization
Gendlin, Focusing
Frakhauser, The Power of Affirmations
Price, Superbemgs
Jampolsky, Love is Letting Go of Fcar
Jampolsky, Teach Only Love
Keyes, A Conscious Person's Guide to Relationships
Gillies, Money Love
Ray, Loving Relationships
Ray, Celchration of Breath
Hay, Heal Your Body
Spirit
books
Foundation for Inner Peace, Course in Mirades
Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi
Any book by Emmett Fox
Roberts, The Nature of Personal Reality
Addington, Your Needs Met
Price, The Manifestation Process
Holmes, The Science of Mind.
For a long time I have believed that everything I need to know is revealed to me, that everything I need comes to me, that everything is fine in my life. None of that is new knowledge; Everything is ancient and infinite. I find joy and pleasure in integrating knowledge and wisdom for the benefit of those who are on the path of healing. I dedicate this offering to all those who have taught me what I know: to my many clients, to my friends in this field, to my teachers and to the Divine Infinite Intelligence that through me channels what others need to hear.
THANKS
With joy and pleasure I thank:
To the many students and clients who taught me so much and encouraged me to put my ideas in writing.
To Julie Webster for encouraging me and encouraging me in the early stages of this book.
To Dave Braun, who taught me so much during the editorial preparation process.
To Charlie Gehrke, for helping me so much in the creation of our New Center, and for giving me the necessary support and time for this creative work.
Excerpt from the book: You can heal your life by Louise Hay
Chapter. 16 (end of book). My story
