Mam, What is wrong with you? Are you crying?
No, honey, I just got a little dust in my eye
We live in a world in which, being the first, is the most important. They examine our children continuously and they only look for the outstanding one. They are prepared to face success, to celebrate triumphs. They are repeated to satiety: Do not cry. You have to be strong. You are the best!
A few days ago, I would throw my hands to my head when a friend told me that at her son's school they were doing math Olympics with a stopwatch in hand and in front of a court; Science Olympics, spelling Olympics and all this with children as young as 7-8 years. But are we crazy or what?
Of course, the only winner was the first ... the remaining 25 children in the class looked like losers.
What's going on? We invest years in preparing our children for success and we do not realize that life is full of failures, disappointments, small and big obstacles, moments of sadness, grief, loneliness. And that is a sign of weakness of the human species? Do not; that's life.
Do you really think that today's children are prepared to face difficulties? Is it a coincidence that pediatricians, psychologists and child psychiatrists have more and more cases of childhood depression and anxiety? In which head is it possible for a 9-year-old child to be diagnosed with Depression or Generalized Anxiety Disorder having everything supposedly within reach? It is evident that something we are not doing well.
With forgiveness, I don't give a damn that my son is the fastest in mental calculation. What I do not consent is that it falls apart because it is the second, the third or even because it has not been selected among the top 10.
What really matters to me, what takes my sleep away, in which I invest all my energy and effort, is in developing your emotional intelligence.
I fight for him to be generous, because empathy is his strong point . I go out of my way because he shows his emotions, because he tells me about his weaknesses, because he himself finds solutions to his problems. I fight daily to make them emotionally self-sufficient. Nothing happens for not being the first class if you have tried your best.
Award effort, dedication, generosity, loyalty, struggle and solidarity. Those are the vital values, the values of life.
Who prepares them for failure, for disappointment, for disappointment? Have you ever thought about it?
Society welcomes the winners open, prepares them for applause. I prefer to prepare my children for difficulties; strengthen your self-esteem, your resolving ability, your positivism, your fighting spirit . Why do we value success so much? Because before we have gone through a more or less narrow path of struggle or not?
We are not machines. We parents are not, you know very well. Don't pretend then that your son is.
I don't want my children to think that their mother is a superwoman, always ready, always ready for everything, always singing and perfect. Is that the example I want them to follow? And if, over the years, they find difficulties throughout their lives, what will they think? “I have not been able… Mom would be disappointed… I can't show weakness. My mother has always been so strong ”
Well, children - I have told my children on occasion - Mom is not perfect. Mom is also wrong and when she does, rectifies and asks for forgiveness. Mom, like everyone else, cries when she is sad. What you see is not a dust motive in the eye; they are tears, honey ”
I want my children to see that their mother is flesh and blood. That he is not ashamed to cry or to be a little sad in specific circumstances, that he does not hide.
I want them to live it as something natural ... because when they happen they will remember me and assume it as normal. They will accept your mood and draw the necessary strength to overcome everything that hinders the path to your happiness.
Children do not need super-parents or gods; They don't care if their dad is a doctor, lawyer, waiter or is unemployed. The children want a father and a mother who are by their side, to play with them, to explain things to them, to tell them stories ... to speak their own language. They don't want us to fill them with material gifts; It's much simpler: they just want time with us.
Children should see us as human beings, not as superheroes, that's why they already have movies. If you are wrong with your son, nothing happens, ask forgiveness: “Sorry honey, I was wrong. You forgive me? Shall we start again? ”
Do you know what it means for a child who is the father or mother who tells him that? There is no better example.
Don't give your son so many orders, don't fill him with rules. You start He praises his good behavior with kisses, with hugs, with much, much love. Do not reward him with excessive toys. If you have made a mistake, give it the opportunity to rectify “I am wrong too, honey. Let's try it again".
Teach your children to enjoy simple pleasures, in them is true happiness . I usually play my children to a game that they enjoy a lot at the table. “How lucky I am ..” - I called him.
I begin: "How lucky I am that I don't work today and I'm here with you for breakfast."
My son: "How lucky I am that Mom is coming to look for me at school today and I won't take the bus."
My daughter: "How lucky I am that I have touched the biggest toast" ... We always end up laughing out loud.
Tell them stories. Real stories, of your work, of your day to day. Stimulate their imagination, their creativity, their empathy ... Get excited with them. Share those videos you see online that have reached you deeply. Explain them and answer all your questions. You will be surprised with what comes to mind!
Encourage them to be entrepreneurs . To not be afraid to make mistakes, but not to try. To rectify if they go the wrong way. To get up alone if they fall. To apologize and accept it too. Against frustration: perseverance, perseverance.
Mom cries too. Open letter to parents and educators
