Every day there are more parents who suffer for their children and children who suffer for being as they are. We believe we are helping these children, when we are really hurting them. We believe they have a problem, when they really have a gift. We think that life will be hard for them, when in reality life loves them and supports them to develop their full potential and the mission they have come to develop on Earth. We overprotect them thinking they have a disease, when in fact they have a precious gift to discover in their hands. We restrict their freedom, preventing them from flying, growing and evolving as human beings. We care for them, for our fear of failure, when in reality they have become happy and do not understand worries or failures, because they live in the present. Fear does not exist in their lives, because they are here and now at all times, trying to be happy. Our fear finally ends with them: they stop enjoying, believing in themselves, they begin to see limitations in their life ..., because we make them believe that they are different from others and cannot do everything they set out, because they are not the same than the rest Then, they also begin to feel afraid of not succeeding, not being up to par, not being able to achieve something, not being valued or recognized by others. They begin to feel insecure about themselves, they believe they are not worth enough, they lose self-esteem and love for life, the desire to enjoy, to live ... and they can get lost to the point of not knowing who they are and what they have come to do here.
This is just one example of the multiple results that can be derived from treating a healthy and happy child as a mentally ill child.
In my case, I was a happy and cheerful girl for a while, until I began to feel inferior to the rest, very insecure of myself, very little thing ... I even repeated to myself every day that I was "silly and short", I thought I was not smart enough to go through life, I thought I was not able to study a career ... All this was triggered when the school teachers decided to catalog me as a child with difficulties for study, talkative, that distracted me easily, that It was hard for me, that I didn't try hard, that I didn't attend in class ... and I decided to believe it and program my mind. From that moment, I began to isolate myself socially, I had no friends at school, because I was the weirdo of the class and I felt marginalized, ridiculed, mistreated. So, I thought I didn't know how to relate to people and I locked myself more and more in myself. I went from home to school and from school to home. I remember that the first exams I did suspended them, despite having studied, because I didn't pay attention to what I was reading. As I had nothing better to do in my life, I began to focus only on studies, and although the teachers did not trust me, I decided to lock myself in books, and study more hours than the rest to pass. The funny thing was that I discovered to have a gift to memorize texts literally, word for word, points and commas. That's how I started to succeed in studies ... finally something was good for me! I didn't go down from 10. I became very demanding with myself, and I didn't settle for 9, I always went for the highest grade.
I got this way to high school, and here the problems began ... because the numbers were not so good for me, but it was still a "crack" for the subjects that required memory. I was still the best in the class, although I was still the odd and lonely old woman. I tried very hard, just as they had taught me, because without effort you can't get anywhere, they had repeated me again and again ... and despite believing that it was not worth it, that it was not enough for others ... I got the note to enter in medicine.
At this point, I felt mentally and physically exhausted, for I had been striving for years to always be up, trying to be the best, wanting to prove to others and to myself that it was worth, that I was not silly, that I could do what I wanted, and I got it, but at what price ...? Was so much pain really necessary? so much suffering? so much anguish and anxiety? So much pressure? So much effort? So much of everything? Turning only to studies made me miss what might have been the best years of my life: my childhood and my adolescence. I have missed many important things from this stage of life, and unfortunately I can no longer recover them.
This has been my story, my evolution, but it doesn't have to be that of many other children, if we do something NOW. That is why I feel the obligation to raise awareness among parents and educators about this issue.
However, my story does not end here ... because once in the medical career, I began to feel anxious all the time, with a constant need to move, to do things ... and that prevented me from studying normally, because I suffered a lot of anxiety I noticed that it was difficult for me to attend in class, which was more moving than the rest of my classmates, and they started calling me: the HYPERACTIVA. I earned the nickname already in the first race, but then I did not give it importance, until I realized, when I shared a study table with other people, who had more difficulty than the rest to concentrate, to sit for more of an hour ... For the first time I was aware of what was happening to me at school. I was no less intelligent than my classmates, I was not "silly" as I used to say to myself and others, I was not a "weirdo" or a bad person ... I began to understand why teachers said I was talkative, why they punished me for getting up from the chair, why they asked me questions in class and I didn't know how to answer them, not why I didn't understand the content of the class and it would cost me, as they had made me believe, but because I simply hadn't attended to the explanation. What would I be thinking ... ??? I finally understood why I did not know how to answer the questions of a test after watching a simple documentary or why I needed to read a text two or three times before capturing its content. It was not a problem of intelligence or mental retardation, it was just a lack of attention.
Before continuing with my story, you should know that upon entering the race I recovered part of my self-esteem and my active and cheerful personality that had been buried some time ago came to light again.
Thus, I passed each and every one of the exams of the race when I played, without suspending one, until a good day, already in the fourth quarter, a classmate who was studying the subject of Psychiatry, I was diagnosed with ADHD !!!! What is that? - I asked hallucinated. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - he responded very convinced of what he said. I took it very seriously and began to analyze my whole life as a student, as I have said before, and decided to leave doubts and take a test, well in fact, several tests. All psychiatrists agreed on the same thing: according to the tests you have combined ADHD, that is, hyperactivity along with attention deficit.
They decided to put me in a research project for some new pills they were studying as a treatment for ADHD, which supposedly had less unwanted effects than amphetamines already on the market. I entered the study because psychiatrists convinced me that I improved with treatment and why they made me believe that they were doing me a favor and that it was a privilege to enter it, because only a few met the requirements and the medication that I would receive had a high price in the pharmacy and I would be administered free of charge.
The funny thing is that the drug was already being marketed as well, but being a relatively new drug, they needed to investigate its adverse effects and its effects on the disease with patients who supposedly had it. Another curious fact is that the patients must be adults, that is, patients with a supposed hyperactivity disorder and / or attention deficit since childhood, who had not been previously diagnosed and who now suddenly needed medication. To understand it better, ADHD is a disease that must necessarily begin in childhood, as it is one of the mandatory criteria for its diagnosis. In my case, that despite my difficulties, I had reached 4 of medicine without suspending a single exam, they were now trying to convince me that I had a serious mental problem, which all confirmed and each of the tests. Psychiatric tests, by the way, are a standardized diagnostic method, the same for everyone, that measures what you want to measure, that is, there are specific tests for each supposed pathology Mentally and each test is performed specifically according to the pathology that the patient is believed to have, only to confirm that they are correct. That is, I go to the doctor because I think I have a problem of hyperactivity and attention deficit and how are I diagnosed? They give me some beautiful ADHD-oriented tests, what do they want to measure? my ADHD grade! In conclusion, the tests will always diagnose you of one thing or another; in psychiatry there is no one normal, all who attend are, in the eyes of psychiatrists, mentally ill and everything is already classified: there is the schizophrenic, the bipolar, who have obsessive compulsive disorder, who has Personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, sex addicts… So, what are we creating with all this? more and more supposed mentally ill. Well, this is another issue, which also goes a long way.
Continuing with the topic of medication and ADHD… I started taking a medication whose active ingredient is called Atomoxetine, which, unlike the other stimulant drugs, is an inhibitor of the nervous system, so it produced a series of unwanted effects such as : severe dizziness and nausea, malaise, lack of appetite, which resulted in a great loss of weight, insomnia, excessive night sweating, asthenia, apathy ... and not only that, but they did not have any kind of effect at the level of my deficit of attention, but quite the opposite, since I became so obsessed with my “problem” that every time I started studying, I sent to the universe a large wave of negative energy that was called: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and that received in return? You already know it well, the law of attraction acts constantly without discriminating against anyone and with me it made no exception, so the more I thought about it, the more I became obsessed, and the more problems I had to study, to concentrate, to attend in class, to be still ...
I continued to take the pills for a few months, since the doctors assured me that this discomfort would happen after a short time, but that was not the case and neither did my supposed ADHD improve. This is not all ... the first dose that was prescribed (the minimum that allowed the study to enter it), I learned months later that it was 4 times higher than what I should have been taking according to my weight; I understood then the reason for these strong adverse effects on my body. And not only that, but according to the study protocol, the dose would rise progressively, and they did so. With the dose increase, unwanted effects also increased and ADHD continued.
Every 15 days a hospital psychologist would test me to see the evolution and write down in a booklet the adverse reactions I was suffering. Without belittling anyone, I want to emphasize that it was not a doctor who controlled my ADHD symptoms and treatment derivatives ... I remember an occasion when I told the psychologist that I was taking: I feel very strange since I take these pills, I feel that it's not me, they inhibit my way of being, they don't let me be the way I really am: an outgoing, cheerful and fun girl who talks to everyone and is always in a good mood. She responded to this with a: what happens to you now is that you are really you, until now you had a disease that did not let you be normal, now you are more relaxed, etc. What I was is more "stunned" and with a constant physical discomfort.
Finally I decided to abandon this treatment, for all that I have explained to you and I was referred to another psychiatrist at the center, who terminated my participation in the study and prescribed a drug with Methylphenidate as an active ingredient, which is a nervous system stimulant. In principle it is studied that the effects of this drug together with amphetamines, in people with ADHD, have an opposite effect to what it would produce in a person without this disorder, that is, instead of stimulating, it inhibits the nervous system. In my case, I can say that I was "like a motorcycle", and logically it did not help me to concentrate, since I felt a terrible anxiety, which lasted 12 hours (time that the drug is present in the body doing its effect) . Many hours with a toxic stuck in the bloodstream, right? Well, that's another topic that goes a long way too ... I took it a couple of days and left it.
After everything I suffered, I decided not to take more medication. So far I had not needed it, so what was the point of starting to take it now? I preferred to remain as I am: moved, very active, talkative, dispersed, distracted, clueless, disorganized ... It took me some time to accept myself, in fact I'm still on the road, but I no longer see it as a cluster of defects, a mental illness, a problem, an inconvenience ... now even though sometimes I find it hard to accept it, I let my being express itself in its totality, I simply let myself BE, I am the being that I am, and I allow myself.
Let us, then, let these children who are arriving now, who have received different labels: crystal children, indigo children, children of the new era ... or children with ADHD, autistic ... be as they are, without cataloging them in a group or another as if they were sections of a supermarket and without treating them as sick.
They are simply conscious children, who have come to transform the world and have awake abilities, which we do not know. That is why the current education system does not allow them to develop their full potential and it seems that they have problems in learning, when they simply have another way of perceiving things and the classical teaching methods do not adapt to their needs. Well, they are more intuitive, creative, sensitive…. Even some of them have telepathic, extrasensory abilities ... awake. They are children who know what they have come to do and bring very important messages for humanity and for planet Earth, they come to teach us to BE. Let them be to them to teach us to be us.
Real testimony of Carlota Esteve de Miguel
