Have you ever made a mistake and thought you were so bad that you just couldn't forgive yourself? So bad that you sank into depression and couldn't move on? Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why can't we forgive ourselves for our mistakes? How long do we punish ourselves before considering ourselves worthy of forgiveness?
I recently contacted a loving woman, distraught because I was going to have to declare bankruptcy due to a critical moment in the progress of her business. She had left her job a year earlier, taken all the money she and her husband had saved, and started a business of making and selling jewelry. He installed a beautiful jewelry store, but lacking business vision and experience to get enough sales.
After a year of sinking into debt, he had to admit defeat and was preparing to file for bankruptcy. The burden of guilt was overwhelming. He simply could not forgive himself for ruining the financial situation of his family. He had become depressed, withdrawn and sad, because he could not bear the shame. Shame and disappointment she read on the face of her husband and children. It felt like a total and absolute failure.
I wanted to know what I could do to correct the situation. He hoped his spiritual guides would give him a new business plan or a quick way to earn money so he wouldn't have to declare bankruptcy. But that is not what his guides offered him. They offered him the gift of self-forgiveness.
At first, it may not seem like a great gift, but knowing how to forgive ourselves and how to move on after a tragedy knocks at our door, everything is rearranged, from the inside out, that It is the way in which the spiritual promotes change to help us. How did they do it? I think they used me.
They told me to ask him: "If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you say?"
“Oh, I'd like to tell her that she shouldn't be so hard on herself, that everyone makes mistakes. I would tell him that since he is witty and intelligent, he can recover from this setback. I would like to tell you not to quit, but to go deeper, to make better decisions, learn from your mistakes and move on. "
Then I said: “And why can't you tell yourself this? Why don't you apply it in your case? "
She was stunned for a moment, speechless. Then he said: "But I don't deserve to be forgiven."
So I said, "How does your friend deserve forgiveness, but not you?"
She did not answer.
“Forgiving yourself does not mean that you will get rid of the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences do not have to include feelings of guilt, shame and depression. Guilt, shame and depression are not going to give you new resources or make you stronger. In fact, they weaken you and make it harder for you to recover. You owe it to you and your family, keep your vibration high to find the way out of this situation in the best possible way. ”
He replied: “Yes, I suppose I owe them that. But if I forgive myself and we are all happy again, won't you think I'm not taking my failure seriously? "
“Do you think your family wants you to sit in a corner to cry and blame yourself? Or do you think I would prefer you to find the resources and work every day to improve the situation? They know you feel it. "
He began to cry. “I am the one who feels very bad. I can't believe I did that damage to my family. "
“You have not hurt him. You are disappointed in yourself and disappointed in the outcome of your actions. But nothing is permanent. It doesn't matter if you fall. Everyone falls. It only matters how quickly you recover and continue the race. Your family has you. What is the best thing you can do to help them right now? "
"I could get a job."
“And you will, but the first thing you have to do is forgive yourself. Give yourself the same compassion and understanding that one of your children would give you if they made a wrong decision. You want your children to learn from their mistakes, right? "
"Of course. I want them to know that they should never give up. I don't want them to end up depressed, crying in a corner. ”
“Well… teach them to fall and get back up. You have the opportunity to be a model for them about what true success is, that you are learning how to recover after a setback. Join as a family, come up with a solid plan to recover, a work plan, and move on. Being happy and creating resources after a setback does not mean that you are denying responsibility for what you did. It just means that you are recognizing the situation and commit to doing something to improve it.
The moment our conversation ended, it felt much better than when we contacted. He adopted a new belief about his situation. Instead of being considered a failure, she began to think of herself as a “potential success.” She pledged to devote time and energy to improving her situation rather than continuing to punish herself. Finally, she accepted the forgiveness of her family and began to treat herself in the way she would treat others in the same situation.
The secret to forgive yourself is to take responsibility for our actions, but not allow our idea of failure to bind us. When we make a mistake, let's learn from him what he came to teach us, and let's move on. Don't give up ... let's raise our vibration as much as possible, and ask for guidance and help if we need it.
GIVE US THE FORGIVENESS THAT SO LOVINGLY GIVE TO OTHERS!
Forgiveness is the gift they give us so that we humbly accept our human part.
We cannot always avoid erring, but always ... ALWAYS ... we can forgive ourselves.
Forgive, for Tahíta
