In the midst of world chaos and bloody wars we ask ourselves, `` Where is God? '' When violent earthquakes destroy thousands of lives, we ask ourselves, God? When a loved one is killed by a drunk driver we ask ourselves, Where is God? When we read stories in the newspapers about children battered or raped women, we wonder where God is. In our dark night of the personal soul, when everything seems to have failed and our life seems to be nothing but emptiness, we cry out to God, but we don't hear the voice neither ours nor God's .
Where is God? We look for that elusive being in churches and books, we try to find Him or Her through garúes and the saints. It is often our first thought in the new day and our last thought before disappearing into our dreams during the night. We call on the Spirit in our prayers, in our meditations and through our tears. We have many names for this Being - Spirit, The Eternal, YHWH, God, Alah, Creator, Light, Ishvara. Some deny the existence of God but most recognize the presence of a divine being, an infinite Being, even if they have never had a conscious encounter with the One Who Cannot Talk.
Some argue that God is nature. Others say that God is inside. But almost everyone spends the days of his life without an intimate relationship with this Being. Most have a deep heartfelt desire to know God, but they resign themselves to waiting until they reach an equally unknown celestial kingdom.
God is here, I feel it, right here, in this physical reality. Within me, around me, in other people, in nature and in the dimensions that surround us. The Spirit is in every breath I take, in every step I take, in every minute that passes through the day. But where is God? Why didn't God look like me? Why? I wonder, I can't go beyond my mental state of understanding, knowing, seeing and hearing this being that I want to remember a lot. If I love God so much, why, oh why, is this Being so difficult to attain?
I know why. I am surprised that I even have to ask the question, but unfortunately, I pretend not to know. I went out on the street today on a beautiful winter afternoon in Colorado to smoke a cigarette in silence. I wasn't even thinking "Where is God." I don't know what I was thinking, but it wasn't something important. I guess I have asked "Where is God" so many times that finally this question had to be answered. So it was. Once again. Maybe this time I don't forget it because I'm writing it.
God is always here. But the light of the Spirit is of such purity, simplicity and intensity that it would disintegrate me if I had to contemplate it. It is of such love and compassion that it would be stunned in his presence. It is of such magnitude that it could destroy my darkness - a part of me that has developed over eons of time - and I am afraid that there will be nothing left of me.
The essence of God softly whispered to me: “Love yourself as I love you, then you can contemplate me. Love your being and you will remember me . ” The light of the Spirit is magnificent. We closed the door for fear that it would annihilate us if we capture the slightest glimpse. We calm the door, even when we call to know the presence of the Spirit. We retreat back to our daily routine by asking, "Where is God?" In our routine we once again forget to love ourselves. We return to study of God, asking others if they know where God is, and we seek God in external things. We lay down at night in the hope that, the next day, we will finally know the love of God.
Finally, when our desire for God is overcome by the love of our being, we know the unknowable.
