Out of my mind
The other day I decided to relax my tired muscles of removing snow (yes, there is already snow here) in a nice hot tub before going to bed. Sitting in the water, I thought about how Adamus said a while ago that he will celebrate with you, dance and drink with you until dawn, when you stop thinking. Then, I said aloud, re you going to appear tonight? The response was immediate. "If you really stop thinking, you will definitely let me see, " he said. But you will not recognize me. Do not tell me!
So what did I stop thinking? My mind went around with that for a while, having fun as much as a dog trying to grab its tail. Enter your body, I told myself. So I closed my eyes, focused on my body, hot water, and breathed deeply. My mind began to lose focus and wander in an incoherent exploration that I don't remember at all.
Suddenly, almost as if someone had elbowed me, I opened my eyes - just in time to see a spider falling from the ceiling right next to me! He quickly dropped the last few centimeters and stopped, hanging just above the water. Now, I don't fear spiders, but I definitely didn't want them touching me - or joining me in the bathtub! So I carefully moved aside as far as possible, not wanting to make any waves that threw it straight into the bathtub. Suddenly, as if "waking up" seemed to perceive the water and began to rise again through its web. I didn't take my eyes off him until he was up on the roof again!
Fully awake now, but also wanting to settle back on my "not trying to think" issue, I tried to calm down, still keeping my eyes on the ceiling. Then suddenly I came in a fit of laughter. "Damn Adamus, stay away from me if you're going to look like a spider !!!" I swear I heard a laugh. "See?" He said. "It is not so difficult. And you didn't recognize me either. ”Pfff.
Now, I am the last to call Adamus a spider, but I began to realize that "not thinking" does not mean the same as an "empty mind." It carries more willpower with which I want to strive to force all thoughts from my mind. And anyway, if that brings enlightenment, would all the people who practice the mind-emptying meditation no longer be enlightened?
I settled back into the hot water, peeking from time to time to make sure that the "spider" was still on the roof, and did my best to relax again. Breathing deeply, I also noticed Kuthumi's presence, which I don't tend to notice very often (my fault, not his), and he assured me that if he really wanted to get out of my mind, he would be happy to help me . Well, nothing like the voice of experience, right?
So I said yes, and after a few deep and relaxing breaths, once again my thoughts began to wander and wander. But without my focus, they began to keep their shape so lightly that I couldn't remember them exactly from one moment to the next. I wanted to remember the conversation I felt going on with Kuthumi, but said trying to remember is a function of the mind. Instead of holding on to it, just have the experience, and your wisdom would be there to contact when you could need it.
Again I was completely relaxed when suddenly a burst of bubbles burst out of "nothingness" right on my shoulder, waking up from a single scare again !! I sat up and looked around, completely unable to explain the physics of that little maneuver. Then, in another attack of laughter, I realized that Kuthumi had just made me a pebble, right there on my shoulder! Um, this bathtub is filling up!
After the chuckles ended, they both told me, "See what it really means to stop thinking." Every time they "appeared" with a little (creepy) magic, I had been absorbed, not forcing my mind to be still, but not really caring what I was doing, and not thinking about it. As I relaxed and simply let them flow, the thoughts became barely noticeable and irrelevant, moving away like a dream upon waking.
Stop thinking is more or less like getting out of the driver's seat of the mind, no longer directing or analyzing thoughts but only letting them happen. It's like the difference between floating gently along a river enjoying the landscape, versus straining on a motor boat trying to get somewhere. (And I guess trying to force the mind to stop is like forcing the boat to stop all movement, which carries its own kind of willpower and strength.)
Simply accepting all things, outside and inside, exactly as they are. Trying to stop or change what I am thinking is only to navigate to the motor boat in a different direction. But if I simply turn off the engine of my attention, well, then who knows what could happen !! Adamus could come to visit (often seen, rarely recognized), Kuthumi could take liberties in the bathtub, and life becomes more or less fun (if not a little strange).
So why not just let go and have fun with it? Don't worry so much about being "too mental, " just breathe and experience whatever is happening in the moment. Even if the thoughts are still wandering, that dreamlike feeling, detachment and comfort is what opens the doors to magical things. And when magic happens, don't try to understand it. Just experiment, let it go, and be attentive to laughter. It's only one breath away!
By Jean Tinder, editor of the Monthly Shaumbra
Translated by Maribel González -
