Empowerment through the loss of your baby. 3 compelling reasons, by Mónica Álvarez

I know that the title I have chosen is contradictory. How will something as tragic and as sad as losing your baby be empowering?

I'm going to give you three reasons that will get you out of doubt. Or maybe they sow more questions inside. Either option is positive.

1. Emotional pain as an initiatory path.

2. The pain lived from the body.

3. Spiritual pain as a door to a kind of strength beyond what we would have ever imagined.

1. Pain as an initiatory path.

We live in our comfort zone. We live like sheep grazing in the sun, ruminating and enjoying the grass. We have solved the food, the coat, a roof under which to sleep. The days follow each other, with routines that make our lives and events simple that we can easily foresee. Suddenly one day something happens that goes out of the ordinary, something that takes us out of our comfort zone, which forces us to move, to search, to find answers where there are none, to ask ourselves in each moment how to continue forward. Well, the steps we took just now do not help us to continue our journey.

There are times when it is necessary to reinvent ourselves completely, already outside our comfort zone, in the eye of the emotional hurricane, with the ground in the sky and the sky, it is unknown where.

This society lives with its back to death. Death is a taboo, like the three monkeys in history, we believe that if we don't look, if we don't see and if we don't listen, it won't exist. And nothing further. Death is the other side of the everyday currency.

It is no use asking "why me?" We all enter the roulette of life and are susceptible to living a near loss.

If it is difficult to understand those who suffer the death of a loved one, we enter a more advanced level of taboo when we talk about gestational and perinatal deaths. When a child dies in the womb or in childbirth, the medical and social mechanisms are perfectly fitted to invite us to forget, to look over, to do as if nothing had happened.

This is a tremendous mistake for those who live in the first person.

Who lives the loss of a child in the breast in the first person, the worst thing that can happen is to try to do "as if nothing had happened" and try to "be the same as soon as possible."

Until we embrace our pains, as people and as a society, we will be at their mercy. As long as we do not assume the responsibility of growing, regaining our instinct and transforming ourselves, we will continue to live as zombies, undead whipped by the winds of anguish and despair and wobbled by the opinion of those who believe they know more than we do and feel empowered. to give us fat advice based on folk tales that have nothing to do with ancestral wisdom.

Accepting the infinite pain caused by the loss of a child, gradually getting carried away by the path of pain, is a powerful way to empower oneself. At first it will seem that the pain pierces you and that you won't be able to resist. But if you continue there, accepting, breathing, letting the tears fall and do your healing work, there will come a time when you will discover how powerful you are. It is like that.

2. The pain lived from the body.

When a mother is told that her precious baby died in her womb, or that she is sick and will not survive childbirth, she would want to die at that moment. The world, life stops and there is no comfort.

After a few minutes sometimes or a few hours, he realizes that "that which is dead", his son, cannot remain there and that he has to give birth.

There is a lot of legend about childbirth. Most people all they know about births is what they have seen in the movies. Those scenes in which men are sent to boil water and women are locked in a room while a woman screams as if they were slaughtering her.

The truth is that a well-lived birth, from the body, with knowledge of what has to happen can be a unique event in a woman's life. Many even report not having felt pain at all. Others say it did hurt, but they missed everything as soon as they put the baby on.

Most imagine their ideal birth lying on their backs, anesthetized from the waist down (or completely), while gentlemen with green coats and masks (like aliens from a bad movie) put their heads together and rummage between their legs behind a green field . All they see of their birth is their feet high. It is curious that in the 21st century, modern and sexually liberated women, reduce their sexual being at the time of their relationships and letting others take charge of the most important sexual moment for a woman: her birth.

However, a birth is a party, a moment of mother and child surrender, a sacred moment in which life and death dance an eternal dance, while seas of oxytocin, the hormone of love and pleasure, run through the body of the Woman in waves.

It is true that giving birth to a dead baby, whatever gestational age is, is not a dish of good taste. I wish they were waiting for the baby for her toquilla instead of the shroud.

But if you have had to live this sad experience, you should know that living a childbirth as physiologically as possible is the way to ensure you do not fall into a subsequent depression, to find meaning in this nonsense, to letting you bathe in that oxytocinic sea that will protect you from pain until you are able to take it on .

All women, including myself, who experienced their loss from expectant management, report the empowerment experience they felt. I remember that the days after my loss, I was physically crushed by the effort, emotionally hurt by the loss, but I also felt like a goddess, like An aphrodite born from the foam of the sea. I felt reborn and full. It is an incredible sensation.

If you want to know more about the expectant handling of the loss, I encourage you to read chapter number 8 of the book The Voices Forgotten (Ob Stare 2012) of which I am co-author.

3. Spiritual pain as a door to a kind of strength beyond what we would have ever imagined

I usually say that every child brings us a gift, even those who leave too soon .

If you assumed your pain, if you lived your birth honoring your body and the ancestral and biological forces that make you know exactly what you have to do to give birth, you have a smooth and calm journey, although not without hard times. Once you leave your comfort zone, you assume that you will have to do it again and again for the rest of your life. Well, you no longer conceive the comfortable and easy life that you led as a sheep grazing.

Your being, your soul, also experiences growth. It is unavoidable. A child when he grows up does it globally. The feet do not grow one day, the arms another day, the body another day and the head another.

When we grow emotionally, our spirit also experiences a change. Everyone knows which one, because not in all people it manifests in the same way.

I have met moms who, after their loss, investigated and discovered and committed themselves to a kind of respectful upbringing that they would not otherwise have known.

I have met mothers who have founded associations to accompany other mothers, have written books, have left their comfort zone over and over again. Because hey, this hooks.

I have met women who have crossed borders in their inner world discovering facets and an inner knowledge that was asleep. I invite you to read more about this in my book Where do our children go when we leave so soon? . You will find stories of empowered women despite the pain. Or maybe thanks to him.

And everything from acceptance, security in oneself, empowerment.

Because when a child dies in your breast all your life and your reality changes. The things that you were suddenly worried about suddenly do not matter, because next to the pain caused by the death of a child, very few things will be able to shake you.

This is so. There is no other. Either you empower yourself, or you succumb to pain, anguish and fear . Posts to choose, we choose to empower ourselves . Yes. I choose to empower myself. There is no way back.

Broadly speaking, these are the three reasons I use to convince you of what seems practically impossible: that pain empowers, if you let yourself be guided.

If you are a professional who accompanies mourning mothers, it is essential that you know this, because that woman in front of you who has just lost her child is not a victim who seeks sympathy. She is a goddess, a Demeter who cries for her son, with incredible strength, capable of unleashing storms and stopping crops. It doesn't need your grief. She needs all your professional capacity to help her understand herself, to discover that she is not crazy about feeling that way, to channel all that energy that shakes her in a positive way so that she does not destroy herself and to discover that after the long winter spring will return, that death is another stage of the cycle of life and that under the ground the seed is germinating even if we are not able to see it with our powerful but limited human eyes.

If you do not know how, train me I offer you my course so that you discover all the necessary tools to accompany these women and empower them beyond their limits. (put link in underlined words)

Discover and expand your power. It's your son's gift, are you going to refuse his gift? Empower yourself!

Monica Alvarez

DuelGestacionalyPerinatal.com

Source: .org / 2014/04 / the – empowerment – ​​through-the-lost.html

Empowerment through the loss of your baby. 3 compelling reasons, by Mónica Álvarez