While the egotistic mode of consciousness and all the social, political and economic structures that it created enter its final stage and are destroyed, the relations between men and women reflect the deep state of crisis in which humanity is now. To the extent that humans have been increasingly identified with the mind, most relationships do not take root in the Self and thus become a source of pain and remain dominated by problems and conflict.
There are now millions of people who live alone or as single parents, unable to establish an intimate relationship or reluctant to repeat the insane drama of past relationships. Others jump from one relationship to another, from one cycle of pleasure and pain to another, in search of the elusive goal of realization through union with the polarity of opposite energy. Others commit and continue together in a dysfunctional relationship - in which negativity prevails - for the sake of the children, for safety, the force of habit, the fear of being alone or some other "beneficial" arrangement, or even for the unconscious addiction to the excitement of emotional drama and pain.
However, each crisis is not only a danger but also an opportunity. If relationships energize and magnify the patterns of the egotistic mind and activate the body of pain, as it happens in these times, why not accept this fact rather than try to escape it? Why not cooperate with him instead of avoiding relationships or continuing to pursue the ghost of an ideal partner in response to his problems or as a means of feeling fulfilled? The opportunity that is hidden in each crisis is not manifested until all the facts of a given situation are fully recognized and accepted. As long as you deny them, while trying to escape from them or want things to be different, the window of opportunity will not open, and you will remain trapped in that situation, which will remain the same or deteriorate further. The recognition and acceptance of the facts bring a certain degree of freedom. For example, when you know that there is no harmony and you realize that fact, through that knowledge a new factor has appeared and the lack of harmony cannot remain unchanged. When you know that you are not at peace, your knowledge creates a quiet space that surrounds your lack of peace in a loving and tender embrace that transmutes it and turns it into peace. As for the inner transformation, there is nothing you can do. He cannot transform himself, and he certainly cannot transform his partner or any other person. All you can do is create a space for transformation to occur, for grace and love to enter.
So, as long as your relationship does not work, as long as you "go crazy" to yourself and your partner, rejoice. What was unconscious is coming to light. It is an opportunity for salvation. All the time be aware of that moment, particularly of your inner state. If there is anger, know that there is anger. If there is jealousy, defensive attitude, impulse to argue, need to be right, an inner coldness that asks for love and attention, or emotional pain of any kind, whatever, know the reality of that moment and be attentive to that knowledge. The relationship will then become your sadhana, your spiritual practice. If you observe unconscious behavior in your partner, keep her in the loving embrace of her knowledge so as not to react. Unconsciousness and knowledge cannot coexist for a long time, even if the knowledge is in the other person and not in the one that is acting led by the unconsciousness. The form of energy behind hostility and attack finds the presence of love absolutely intolerable. If you react to your partner's unconsciousness, you become unconscious as well. But if at that moment he remembers knowing his reaction, nothing has been lost.
Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance to survive as a species. This affects all aspects of your life and close relationships in particular. Relationships have never been as problematic before nor have they been as fraught with conflict as now. As you may have noticed, your goal is not to make him happy or do it. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disappointed again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is to make you conscious rather than happy, then you will offer salvation and you will be in tune with the higher consciousness that wants to be born in this world. For those who cling to the old patterns, there will be more and more pain, violence, confusion and madness.
- I guess it takes two to make a relationship a spiritual practice, as you suggest. For example, my partner still acts according to the old patterns of jealousy and control. I have pointed that out to him many times, but he is unable to see it.
How many people do you need to make your life a spiritual practice? It doesn't matter if your partner doesn't want to cooperate. Mental health - consciousness - can only reach this world through you. You do not need to wait for the world to become sane, or for another to become conscious, to be enlightened. I could wait forever. Do not accuse others of being unconscious. By the time you start arguing, you have identified yourself with a mental position and are defending not only that position but also your sense of self. The ego enters the load. You have become unconscious. Sometimes it may be appropriate to point out certain aspects of your spouse's behavior. If you are very alert, very present, you can do that without involving the ego, without blaming, accusing or harming the other. When your partner acts unconsciously, abandon all judgment. The judgment is either to confuse the behavior of someone with whom that person is or project one's own unconsciousness into another person and confuse that with what she is. Leaving the trial does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means being the one who knows instead of being the reaction and the judge. Then, either you will be totally free of reaction or react and will already be the one you know, the space in which the reaction is observed and allowed to be. Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring the light. Instead of reacting to the error, you see it and yet at the same time look through it. Being the one who knows creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all people to be as they are. There is no major catalyst for transformation. If you practice this, your partner cannot stay with you and remain unconscious.
If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, much better. Then they can express their thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur, or as soon as a reaction arises, so that they do not create a time gap in which an emotion or complaint complains and grows. Learn to express what you feel without accusing. Learn to listen to your partner in an open, non-defensive way. Give him space to express himself. It is present. Accusing, defending, attacking, all those patterns designed to strengthen or protect the ego or to fill their needs will become unnecessary. Giving space to others - and yourself - is vital. Love cannot flourish without it. When you have suppressed the two factors that destroy relationships, when the body of pain has been transmuted and you are no longer identified with the mind and mental positions, and if your partner has done the same, you will experience the happiness of the flowering of the relationship. Instead of reflecting on each other their suffering and unconsciousness, instead of satisfying their mutual addictive needs of the ego, they will mutually reflect the love they feel deep within you, the love that comes with understanding. n of your unit with everything that is. That is the love that has no opposite.
If your partner is still identified with the mind and body of pain while you are already free, this will represent a greater challenge, not for you but for your partner. It is not easy to live with an enlightened person, or rather, it is so easy that the ego finds it extremely threatening. Remember that the ego needs problems, conflict and enemies to strengthen the sense of separation on which your identity depends. The unenlightened partner's mind will be deeply frustrated because their fixed positions do not find resistance, which means they stagger and weaken and even run "danger" of collapsing completely, which would result in the loss of identity. The body of pain is asking for feedback without receiving it. The need for discussion, drama and conflict is not satisfied. But attention: some people who do not respond, who lock themselves up, who are insensitive or disconnected from their feelings may think, and convince others, that they are enlightened, or at least that there is nothing "wrong" in them and Everything bad is in your partner. Men tend to do that more than women. They can see their partners as irrational or emotional. But if you can feel your emotions, it is not far from the radiant inner body beneath them. If you are fundamentally in your head, the distance is much greater and you need to bring awareness to your emotional body before reaching the inner body.
If there is no emanation of love and joy, complete presence and openness towards all beings, then there is no enlightenment. Another indicator is how a person acts in difficult or threatening situations or when things "go wrong." If your "enlightenment" is self-deception of the ego, then life will soon offer you a challenge that will bring up your lack of consciousness in any form, such as fear, anger, defensive attitude, judgment, depression, and so on. If you have a relationship, many of the challenges will come through your partner. For example, a woman may have the challenge of an insensitive partner who lives almost completely in her head. You will feel threatened by your inability to hear it, to give it attention and space to be, which is due to your lack of presence. The absence of love in the relationship, which is usually felt more acutely by the woman than the man, will trigger the body of the woman's pain and through it will attack her partner, will blame him, criticize him, make him see that he is Wrong, etc. This in turn becomes his challenge. To defend against the body's attack of her pain, which she sees as totally unjustified, she will entrench herself even more deeply in her mental positions, while justifying, defending or counterattacking. Eventually this can activate your own pain body. When both have been mastered like this, a deep level of unconsciousness, emotional violence, wild attack and counterattack has been reached. It will not diminish until both pain bodies have been replenished and enter dormant state. Until next time.
This is just one of an endless number of possible situations. Many volumes have been written and many more could be written about the ways in which unconsciousness floats in the relationship between man and woman. But, as I said before, once you understand the root of the dysfunction, you don't need to explore its innumerable manifestations.
Let's look again briefly at the situation I just described. Every threat it contains is an opportunity for salvation. At each stage of the dysfunctional process that develops, the release of unconsciousness is possible. For example, the woman's hostility could be a signal for the man to leave his state of identification with the mind, wake up to the Now, become present, instead of feeling even more identified, even more unconscious. Instead of "being" the body of pain, the woman could be the knower who observes the emotional pain itself, thus accessing the power of Now and initiating the transmutation of pain. This would suppress the compulsive and automatic projection of it outwards. Then you could express your feelings to your partner. There is no guarantee, of course, that he will listen, but it gives him a good chance of becoming present and of course breaks the unhealthy circle of involuntary acting according to old mental patterns. If the woman misses that opportunity, the man could look at her own mental-emotional reaction to her pain, her own defensive attitude, instead of being the reaction. You could then observe how your own body of pain soars and thus bring awareness to your emotions. In this way, a clear and calm space of pure consciousness would emerge: the one who knows, the silent witness, the one who observes. This awareness does not deny the pain and yet it is beyond it. He lets it be and yet transmutes it at the same time. Accept everything and transform everything. A door would have opened for her through which she could easily join him in that space.
If you are usually, or at least most of the time, present in your relationship, this will be the biggest challenge for your partner. He will not be able to tolerate his presence for a long time and remain unconscious. If you are ready, you will cross the door that you opened and join you in that state. If it is not, they will separate like water and oil. The light is too painful for those who want to remain in the dark.
