Last Thursday the 15th we were preparing to celebrate the 88 years of my father and my brother, who was feeling bad from the previous day, suddenly lost consciousness and we had to run to The clinic. I entered dead. He was already dead from home and the 20 minutes it took to arrive were crucial to the outcome of this story.
He had an intestinal hernia that exploded the previous day while he was forcing forces to move materials to remodel his house, because at the end of the year he married his girlfriend of 13 years ago you. The stranger who had that hernia and when he began to feel badly attributed it to the ulcers that constantly bothered him, but the hernia burst and distributed his acids throughout the body, causing him to stop cardiac arrest that morning.
After long hours of waiting with him connected to a million machines, finally the doctor met us to tell us that he had a 1% chance of survival and life chances Useful of that percentage were null. It was a shock to everyone, especially to my father who fell to his knees begging God to take him to him and not to his little boy who just got there in January. He is 40 years old. Because he was the youngest, he was told little, but he exceeded the eighty meter.
I could not resist so much sorrow contained for all those hours and went out to walk down the street, with the sun stung my face bathed in tears while I was only able to hear the noise of the dried leaves breaking in my path, I begged the sky to rain to sing to you so that people would stop stopping to ask me what happened to me at the time that the only thing I could do was repeat as a mantra: sorry, sorry, thank you, I love you.
I'm sorry for not anticipating that Pluto's traffic would affect you so much.
Sorry for the times I lacked tolerance for your religious beliefs.
Thank you for the years you gave me and the beautiful memories you left me.
And I love you because you are a part of me and always will be s
He thought he knew enough of pain, but it hurts like a burning stab. As if your heart was torn away, a place where he always had a privileged place, even though we argued a lot because he was almost a religious fanatic and I was a pagan pagan . Being 3 times Capricorn (Sun, Moon and Ascending) nothing knew of flexibility and having the Moon in the same degree as me: 28 of Capricorn we were total tune ... He arrived when I was 5 years old to brighten everyone's life with their jokes, their antics and their smile. I loved being put on my bed being a baby so pink and smiling to fall asleep massaging my ear. His Venus and Mars in Aquarius allowed him to express the originality of his being. We were always the closest of the brothers and we were cronies. In his teens, when he made his parties at home he was going to look for me to dance, enduring the teasing of his friends for dancing with the sister.
And I wonder what I'm going to do when I look at those walls you built at home? What will happen when you walk through the garden you designed? Will I ever be able to listen to Sting without imagining you with the guitar imitating him? Can I have lunch on Sundays in front of your empty post? Will I be able to prepare lasagna without thinking that you will enjoy it like Garfield? What will I do when I see your son who is your lively portrait of when you were 20? And how will we celebrate dad's birthday again on the same day you left? And those jokes and heaviness you always told me and carried me, now I would give anything to listen to them again ...
I know ... everything is due to higher ends that I can't understand now and I hope one day I can do it
I know ... everything is perfect ... it was part of the contract. We agreed before coming to this planet where you decided that you would be my master of pain and I your most loyal disciple.
I know ... this is for my greatest growth and of all who are living it ... But how it hurts to grow!
You were the only one who understood my love for art and I remember how you drool telling me that your son entered the U to study Visual Arts and you always encouraged me to learn more and more about music, painting and writing ... and today I decided, in honor to you and to our shared node in house 5, leaving everything that separates me from creation is the only tribute I can offer you.
Until forever Sebastian ... you have not died ... you will live in my heart for the rest of my life ...
In Love and much more awareness.
Me®
Source: http://mer-sanandoelalma.blogspot.com.es/
How it hurts to grow! by Mer Vivar
