In my opinion, and in that of many other people who have studied this, with the education they give us in childhood we are forming a model or a character that tries to give satisfaction to others - to be accepted and valued - or we are going forming a character that meets the stereotype that our parents have designed for us -without counting on us, of course-, or one that is considered appropriate to live in this life, and, on many occasions, we stop promoting being ourselves To be who we are expected to be.
All this is unconscious, of course, and it is done at an age when one does not know who he really is - something that he would find out by leaving the character he is creating, but it is still too soon for that -, nor is he aware that by being being who the others want is paying the price to stop being him. That is, not being himself.
One lives then being a central character, more or less uniform, which in turn is subdivided into different characters that change depending on who is at each moment, or who has to be to meet the other and meet their expectations.
If one were observed throughout the day - leaving oneself - one could see how he changes his attitude, state, mood, or character.
I could check the different masks that he puts on and taking off throughout the day, and the different characters that he embodies.
And this is not bad when done consciously and naturally. One can be - and must be - himself when he is a loving father, a fiery wife, an attentive son, a kind clerk, a fervent Christian, and in many other different facets that his true Self has to live.
And one can also stop being a little himself, but if it is for a while and being aware of it. For example, if you are a dependent, a heavy or unpleasant customer comes and the norm of your company is: "the customer is always right". Even if you disagree, you will have to serve him well and prove him right. But it is not you who gives the reason, but the efficient clerk who has to keep that job. The character called "dependent."
You have not given up at that time to be yourself, but for a while - and while remaining yourself - you have been exclusively the dependent.
The same happens to the actors. They arrive at the theater being themselves, they dress, they put on makeup, and for a time they are a character and are aware of being playing a character; when they return to the dressing room, they remove their makeup and leave the character hanging on the hanger to continue being themselves.
Just as this happens, the exact opposite can happen. That is, inventing a character that is not you really, that is above your possibilities and your truth, that it is pure fiction, but that dares to do or say what you, being you, do not dare to do or tell. A kind of Super Me. It is a trick that can be useful sometimes, but you have to be careful not to end up believing that you are different from who you really are.
The really interesting thing is to find out who is Self, foster that Self, and be at all times to be natural and true. Although it is difficult for others to understand and accept it.
You should not interpret a thousand different characters because you run the risk of realizing at some point that you no longer know who one really is among all of them.
Apart from that it requires extraordinary effort.
Be yourself. The typical topical phrase.
Who I am? I do not know.
Who do I sense that I am? Now the answer is easier.
How would I like to be? On this one can already work in a less mental way and it can be done.
It is not about “changing” –because you would be changing a model of being for another model of being-; it's about discovering who you are to encourage him and assiduously be who you really are.
Who you are going to be after you decide - who will be who you really are but don't always dare to be - you have to get very close to who you really are, because if not, you will be creating a new and different character and You know what that implies.
It's about encouraging and expressing the good things you have, showing your qualities, manifesting love and noble feelings, treating or caring for others as you would like to be taken care of or treated by you; do everything that gives you peace or a pleasant feeling of being at ease, of feeling satisfied and proud of you, and not having to keep listening to the voice of conscience claiming you, not having to feel a disappointment again n indecipherable, a rage against yourself for not being authentically authentic.
That anger, exasperation, uncertainty, tantrum, despair, restlessness, whatever you feel can be placated until it disappears simply by being Self. Being yourself.
Find out who you are and dare to be.
I leave you with your reflections
Francisco de Sales
www.buscandome.es
Why do I want to be who I am not? By Francisco de Sales
