Questioner: Can I ask about integration? When I spoke with you last year I told you that my sense of self was behind me. Sometimes, it seems that I have two types of experience that are apparently quite different; In my perception there is a division, but I can get very confused. Some of the things I am involved in talk a lot about an integration process. Is there a time where you feel you have come home?
Mooji: If I talked to you based on something being separated or can be separated or there is any division, then we could talk about integration. That conversation has no end. But you say there is a "feeling" of a certain division. This still relates to the things we discussed the last time we talked - the feeling that there is something else behind here. They are just thoughts. Perhaps the question you could ask is: what is aware of any division? We feel we understand division, but what or who perceives that?
I: My true Self. My natural consciousness, I suppose.
M: Good. In your natural consciousness, what form does consciousness have? What form do you have as consciousness? When you say consciousness, are you aware of yourself as something measurable? Is there something tangible about consciousness?
I: What seems to happen is that it falls very quickly on an object.
M: What does the fall or fall sensation attest to? Is that falling?
I: No.
M: Stay there .
In the field of consciousness, innumerable sensations are presented. This flow, this traffic of thoughts, seems inexhaustible. Sometimes a thought or some sensation arises and you have the feeling that it affects you. Sometimes what really happens is that the energy of that thought or feeling is already depleted but you are living in her memory by perpetuating it through memory.
I: At this moment there is a feeling of extreme tiredness, too many sensations. I can not take it anymore.
M: Don't hold it. How do you endure the feeling? What is the profitability?
I: I guess profitability is someone who is experiencing.
M: If there is no profitability, is it equivalent to not experimenting? Does profitability involve experimenting?
Do you have to experience a particular purpose? You are simply watching consciousness act and always changing shape. You think that you are going to make a comfortable and pleasant place for you here and you will sit there and everything disappears. There is no place where you need to locate yourself but a sense of location arises in you. You are aware of that. There is a tendency to give a certain quality to what you call .
I: I identify with the sensation that presents itself.
M: You identify with her. The sensation presents itself. Perceived. Do you identify with all the thoughts that appear in you?
I: No. I identify with some strong feelings.
M: Some sensations occur and you experience them strongly. Perhaps sometimes in childhood you took a certain impression that this really happened to you, because once consciousness resonates within this form in the sensation "I am", that sensation quickly moves forward, identifies with the body and borrows the qualities of the body and says "I am that." Originally, consciousness is not personal, but feels itself personal because of the feeling " I am in this particular way . " It is just like the source of electricity; in a lamp it produces light, in a refrigerator it is keeping things cold, but electricity is none of those things. Working through particular things, it seems to do cold or luminous things or whatever, but electricity cannot be described as light or cold. Like this consciousness or field of knowledge, you are simply perceiving. But when the feeling is very strongly presented " I am the body ", the experience seems to have a strong impact on consciousness expressing itself in the various bodies known as people. The intensity varies according to the degree or power of the belief in identification, " I am this particular form ."
Gradually, that identification is under a lot of tension in what we call " life, " because by identifying itself as a particular body, consciousness sets itself to try to perpetuate life in that particular form, taking that form as if it were itself. Hence, look at any threat or injury to that form, or death in that way as if it were itself. Experience fear, anxiety, restlessness and all those things because it assumes to be this particular form. As a particular form - known as "ego" - consciousness feels that it is completely different, borrowing the unique quality of a particular body as its body and seeing other bodies as different from itself. This is how it comes in this "other" field. In this way, consciousness that is pure and universal in origin experiences itself as independent and separate. For a time it is dedicated to that separation and even proud to be separated. But you can't hold this; It is being gradually slapped by the world, by circumstances, by frustrated dreams and disappointments. He loses his pride and arrogance and becomes more flexible, more receptive to spiritual truths. You do not have to know that this is happening . You may think that this is not happening, but at some point it springs in your consciousness, somehow, as affinity and attraction for some teachings, perhaps, or some questions naturally arise in you. You may not be able to find how it arose. Because you?
You are here and maybe you have family, friends, who do not share this interest. Where does this particular interest in you come from?
I: I think initially of discomfort.
M: Then somehow you have to be grateful for the discomfort if it brings you to want to be free of that.
I: Thank you. That is a very good description of what is happening. It seems to have reached a point of crisis or an intensity that I cannot, which I do not wish to bear; The thought presented is, in some way, getting free from being to stop the sensations / feelings - a kind of dead end….
M: Don't get too good talking about your feelings .
I: Yes, because now I am involved in group therapy.
M: It gives you that kind of skill.
I: I really wanted to get away from it and the facilitator (the person who runs the group) said I would interrupt the group if I left.
M: Are you inclined to feel excessively responsible for other people?
I: No and I wondered if it was being cold. It would have been at another time. Maybe I have gone from one extreme to another.
M: What is it that attests to extremes? You speak so easily about that, naturally, extremes. Something is aware of this jump, of this nervous movement . What is aware of that? Can you refute that there is something that is not fluttering, in which that jump is observed? What do you have to do to be where that consciousness is?
I: Being completely with that.
M: What would I be with that?
I: It's already there without ...
M: Is there something pressing that is emerging in you right now? Do not touch anything from the past. Now, in this instant.
I: Now it is clear. There are sensations, but now it's fine.
M: When does it become later? Stay now .
I: Immediately now it remains, and then leaves; It is almost simultaneous.
M: Right now, what are you, just now? Where are any of these things now? Do not go to the past.
I: I don't know.
M: How does it feel not to know?
I: Absolutely nice.
M: How are you going to be from now on?
I: Pay attention now.
M: You are aware of the attention. You are not the attention. Ordinarily, what we call ourselves, when we really investigate it, we are talking about our attention. You are aware of the attention. If you are inclined to feel I come and I go, something testifies to the sensation of coming and going. If I ask you what that is, any answer your mind suggests will not be that.
I: I think I was identifying with my attention and thought that that was consciousness.
M: It comes much stronger when you feel like being a particular person. It matters to be successful, it matters to be happy and it matters to make money. But the sensation of itself as a fixed personality, when you investigate it, is only an idea. It's like when we talk about the weather; English weather, Irish weather, but can you produce a sample of the weather? We talk about it as if it were a noun, but it is more like a movement. Internally in the landscape of your consciousness all these sensations are moving like the weather too. You are more like a verb than a noun, but you think of yourself as a noun, you detect something solid. But solidity is the basic sensation I am . The intact base continues. And a little of a cocktail of that I am basic mixed with the sensation I am the body produces this thing. The body-mind feels I am the person and I am constant . He borrows the constancy and solidity of I am and says I am that . I personality is this solidity. When you investigate personality it is simply a movement, an aggregate of memory and conditioning and all these things playing as a kind of software.
I: There is a huge difference. Instead of identifying with the body I identified myself with a sensation.
M: What if you don't identify with anything?
I: There is only I am, but it is interesting that you mentioned solidity because I was looking for that
M: Do you see it? I asked you this question: What happens when you don't identify yourself? and you said the basic yo soy and you have moved so quickly. I am just a response you gave instead of being one with that. It is really the mind that accepts the answer I am, says s, I know that, but there is no juice in that . He is still looking for a drug. You are picking up this sensation I am as a kind of response. You are not really being directed to recognize and be one with what you already are, because this pecueca mind (athlete's foot) is feeling like itching with a good scratch and you are scratching And you're never satisfied and all you need is to recognize that trend. Stay with that. Be aware that they are simply emerging. It is not incorrect that they arise; They are only. They will present themselves while consciousness is here in this body. The activity is not contrary to the truth; just let it be, and you can observe. It works naturally. Everything is simply happening by itself . But once you adopt the position of being the one who does, then there is difficulty, and you have to enlist for a long time in therapy and all that sort of thing. But you will have to return to the most basic truth if you are going to be satisfied, happy and free. Now you are free, but somehow your attention caresses "another" and your fascination - your conceptual investments that arise from the "I am the body" belief - which amounts to an eclipse of your Self-Consciousness / Natural Being. There is a tendency to think that there is still something to understand, something else to get. This feeling keeps you at the mouthpiece, in a state of suffering, so the feeling of suffering itself is a profound invitation to put an end to it.
I: Stop searching.
M: Start looking really. Everything that is emerging, do not jump on your back so quickly . It has gathered strength only because you have been busy taking care of these feelings for so long, thinking that you are somehow deriving a certain advantage from them. Give it some time; Don't try for five minutes.
Mooji: You are beyond all concepts
