As sponges they are, children soak up all our stupidities and folly. Educating consciously means that, in interactions with your child, you ask yourself: Does my child consciously take care of me or does what I live condition me?
We are so caught up in our day that we usually waste the opportunity that the moments of conflict offer us. We are so driven to lecture, so oriented to teach that we are often insensitive to the fabulous means by which our children reveal their uniqueness. It is essential to understand that you are not raising a miniyo, but a spirit that throbs its own signature. Although we believe we have the power to educate children, the reality is that children have the power to educate us and become the parents they need us to become.
You do not agree? Truly " Your son makes you grow ." This is the title of one of the most interesting chapters of Shefali Tsabary's book: Conscious Parents. Educate to grow. I tell you…
… We do not inherit only certain roles or egoic attitudes of the family we come from, but also an emotional signature. This happens because when we are little we are in a state of BEING, not ego. That is, in a quasi-hypnotic state, very suggestible, since we have not yet formed the defenses and are sensitive to the emotional energy that surrounds us.
Does it happen to you that there are a lot of occasions when you're jumping? Surely no one has taught you to access inner calm. We did not learn to observe emotions without more, respect them, live with them. In many cases we learned to repress our darkest emotions, the emotions that today are part of what Jung calls shadow. If everything you resist persists, do not be surprised that these lethargic emotions, which you insist on hiding, are ready to activate at any moment: and so, suddenly, we burst. Let me tell you one thing: nobody can awaken in you emotions that you don't bring with you. Do we begin to stop blaming our children for our emotional kidnappings and begin to take responsibility and take charge? No other trip is capable of provoking us more reactions than the education of children, so it is a fabulous opportunity to manage that impulse to react to everything. If you "provoke" the most useful answer is to recognize your emotional charge as a sign that something is happening to you. How do you see it?
The next time your children irritate you (the reality is that you were already irritated ), instead of reacting in an upset, analyze your answer and find out what triggers the emotion. I warn you that this provision requires looking inside and being aware that this irritation comes from oneself and not from your child's actions. "My son disrespects me" or "does not want to do what I say" are the superficial reasons why we jump but, what really explodes us inside? By reacting we are opposing resistance to accepting life as it is. By this I do not mean that you do not respond to disrespect. The point is that when your ego is threatened, you lose the ability to respond creatively and, instead, react. The difference between responding and reacting, among other things, is in the awareness you put into it.
Adults tend to be afraid to get carried away by emotions. So to escape from feelings, we avoid them, oppose resistance or project them on other people, including children. To avoid feeling, many resort to intellectualizing everything (yes, me too!), To blame others and a lot of mechanisms. What is your strategy for not having to tolerate your emotions? Do you realize that until you know how to accept your own emotions, you cannot accept those of your children? What would happen if the next time you feel rejection, fear or anxiety you stay still? Perhaps stopping to observe thoughts and emotions calmly seems absurd, but this is the first step to become aware and accept them as they are; so as not to resist or react.
When we learn to accept the whole of our experience, the fact that things sometimes do not go according to plan, but have their own dynamic, we begin to dance with life. And when children see us dancing, they also learn that the way to grow is to feel everything we feel. They learn to overcome their fear of uncomfortable and even painful emotions so that no part of their being ends up crushed.
That children are injured can be unbearable for us parents . We want to rescue them at all costs. I remember that my mother told me helpless: "If this pain could be felt by you ..." If we want our children to manage their emotions we must teach them to surrender to what they are experiencing. In this way we invite you to open a space where the pain you already feel is present. If we allow them to live their feelings, they are able to release them with amazing speed. Do you know why? because they don't need to hold on to them for a long time, as adults usually do. They process their emotions and transform it into wisdom while adults feed them and strive to see that pain, even if it has actually happened, continues to exist in our mind. Help them express their emotions when they need it. Without judgments, without logic, without encouragement, or hurry… When we open that space, we discover new ways of being with our children. They can have tantrums without feeling provoked and we can correct their behaviors without discharging our resentment, guilt, fear or distrust.
You may not stop yelling at your children right away or you may still be angry at something they have done; It is essential to accept without hesitation that from time to time we will give free rein to unconsciousness . The process of losing that impulsiveness progresses as the consciousness becomes deeper, what does my son need from me that until now I have been unable to give him? Then, perhaps, just shout for three minutes instead of five or you will be angry for an hour instead of the whole day. And that is fantastic!
The good news is that life is a wonderful companion on the journey towards a way of being more aware. The only thing you have to do is open and receive. Life happens, purely and simply. Do you dance ?
Source: https://biblioterapeuta.wordpress.com
