It is said that adolescence is the age of the rebel and the most difficult and painful stage of the human being. Will this be true? Or will it be that much we have collaborated to make this statement true?
It is true that during the 12 to 18 years, it goes through a period of important maturation, where not only is there an accelerated movement of hormones and systems that need to adapt to the new physiological needs corresponding to growth and sexuality, but also is the time where adolescents are trying to enjoy the world in their own way, they are discovering themselves and this implies A need to get rid of what they feel makes them a cloud that prevents them from exploring and defining themselves.
For this reason, young people have to start dealing with various emotions such as anger, especially with parents or the authorities they feel limit them, as well as anxiety and depression, which are not bad in absolute, but they are reactions that sometimes occur according to the understanding and understanding of each person, emotions that only become harmful when one does not know what to do with what one feels.
In spite of everything that someone could mention regarding teenagers, they are undoubtedly in a wonderful time, they do not even have the hard and inflexible mentality that adults sometimes develop in time, nor do they have the immature mentality so as not to absorb deeper knowledge, still have their minds is the freshness and naivety of childhood, the charm of curiosity and the fascinating mood of adventure and risk, their minds at this time have the height to absorb broader understandings and are flexible, so taking advantage of this moment to help them mature is something that only requires a lack of understanding on the part of the adults that surround it. With these tips you will avoid many lawsuits, quarrels and headaches, and you will not be thinking every night that your son or daughter "already matures."
1. DO NOT INTERPRET YOUR ATTITUDES : I put this first because it is one of the most harmful things in relationships with a teenager. Actually, interpretation is the way to translate something into one's form, and this depends on the knowledge and experiences of each one. To say that the young man did something “bad” or that he has a “rebellious, inconsiderate, immature or abusive” attitude is only an interpretation, and the mere fact of expressing this to a young man with severity can lead the adolescent to be, because he is He's programming negatively, you're telling him something that, in the end, is just your point of view. So the first thing is to learn to observe what the adolescent does without any judgment, taking into account that they, at this moment, often want to call the attention of those around them a little, and that a way of releasing the emotions that they do not understand or overwhelm them, it is through "rebel" attitudes.
2. DO NOT PUNISH OR REPRESS; REFLECT WITH HIM: The best thing when the adolescent does anything, whatever it seems to you is not correct, is to put all your effort to stop your impulse to reprimand or classify the action, and start reflecting on it. Helping him to think is a powerful and very valuable key for every young man, because with this you are allowing him to go to himself and consider, which is something that they value very much, remembering that they least want, apparently, is be driven, but deep down it is what they want, that you drive them, even if it does not do what you want or consider "good", but to discover what is worth to them and help them mature what they feel through reflection . The way of driving should not be with scolding or insults or punishments, but taking him in the most friendly way possible. Because you did? What do you think led you to react like this? What do you think you should do now? How can you fix it? With this he will feel that you are allowing him the space to be and value, that you are considering him a person capable of thinking and responding to what he does, and with this you are telling him that you believe in his ability to make sound decisions.
Opening a dialogue is often difficult, especially when you are not used to doing this. But if you start by not shouting or reprimanding and becoming more interested in what you feel, little by little the dialogue can flow. One is surprised at what a young man answers when he is helped to reflect.
3. SET LOVING LIMITS: it is the time of parties, of friends, of wanting to do different things: it is the time of wanting to leave. It will not help you to be scolding and punishing him because he leaves without warning, or is late, or does not fulfill his duties. He will look for ways not to do it. So the secret key to this is to calm down and gradually begin to establish some rules. smart. For example, if one day he asks you permission to leave and you consider it appropriate, say yes, but you want him to come back at that time. You have to tell him, lovingly, that if he returns after that time, then he will be choosing not to leave next time. So if he does not meet and arrives late, you do not have to run away to reprimand him, no, but you greet him with kindness and then you say: “I feel that you have chosen not to leave next time” if he shouts, gets angry or makes excuses If he claims “the punishment”, you don't have to shout at him, just tell him that you don't punish him, that you are simply doing what he chose to do at the moment he did not arrive on time. You can do the same with your homework. Tell him: before I leave I need you to put order in this room or finish the school's homework. If you don't, you will choose not to go out or go with friends. The simple act of making them feel that they "choose" the consequences is to grant them the degree of responsibility.
These valuable tips work best as you apply them at an earlier age, even if your child does not reach adolescence. Holding a young person accountable has nothing to do with yelling at him, hitting him or making him feel "bad" to see his mistakes. The more you help to think and make him aware of what he does, the more he will feel respect for you, the more he will value your presence because you are helping him grow by allowing him to experience what he feels and what he does, without criticism or guilt, but with understanding and cosnciencia, using words that help your personal growth and not obstruct your maturity or cloud your self-esteem. Never tell them that they are bad, never make them feel guilty, this only hurts them and makes them insecure. Better help them to explore themselves, and lead them with questions to make sound decisions.
And although your son may want to leave anyway, living with him will improve in every way. If you really insist on establishing a conscious and friendly dialogue, when you leave, you will most likely see an emotionally intelligent man leaving, and not an immature and insecure child who does not know what to do with life.
Source: http://saludnatural.biomanantial.com/adolescencia-como-ser-su-amigo-y-ayudarle-a-madurar/#.TtXIC_Lhf00
