We always want everything to go well, that people accept us, that at work we have good relationships, that our children love us, that our partner respects us, that our friends seek to be with us. That is why many times we say yes to everything, and maybe we even complicate ourselves for it. Today we will talk about Why Learn to Say No, it's fine.
It is correct that they have taught us that it is educational to please and look good with everyone. But it is a fact that in certain situations we must Learn to Say No.
And that is why we are not acting badly, or being selfish, or disrespectful. We all have the right to set our limits.
Neither submission nor aggression, the balance is assertiveness. -Riso Coma Walter-.
Learning to say no is known as the ability to be assertive. The more we are, the greater the security we will have in ourselves. How is an assertive person? Well, it is someone who knows how to express their desires in a kind way, respecting who is ahead and always being direct, nothing to get around.
Each of us is responsible for setting limits in our lives and we must be conscious enough not to lose control of it. Having clear what are our values and our fundamentals to say No, we must do it.
Maybe at first we are afraid of making mistakes, or maybe ashamed of not thinking like others, or feeling that we are hurting someone, but we must overcome all these fears and face the truth. The guilt that we can feel in any of these cases is seen as something more social that was instilled in us and not as something personal.
As we said, learn to say no, it's not bad as long as we have where to base ourselves to make that decision. A No for an answer followed by a good reason is the only thing that is needed. For this it is advisable not to do it if we are tense, angry, or have not thought well yet. It is advisable to meditate with caution, in that case, and then give the answer. All impulses can sometimes reach results that are not desired.
How many times do we accept outside decisions that we do not share and even inconsiderate requests?
In these cases, after accepting or making a decision that was imposed and that we do not agree with it, we can even feel bad about ourselves.
In the book, "The Power of a Non-Positive, " William Ury explains how to maintain one's own positions without violating the rights of other people. That is, saying "no" in a proper way. “The way we communicate the 'no' and the very fact of doing so, determines the quality of our life. For each important yes it is necessary to say a thousand times no. Saying does not mean, first of all, saying yes to oneself and protecting what one values, ” says Ury.
As a summary, we will leave you some examples of good times to start putting into practice learning to say no.
1- Our work schedule ends and then we have many things to do outside of work. At the last minute our boss gives us work to do and we know that we will not leave on time. It is important to say I can not today, tomorrow I will, we have a life outside.
2. The weekend comes, we are exhausted from work and want to rest. Some friends call us to join us for dinner. The idea is not bad, and we know we will have a good time, but we would like it to be another day, that day we are very tired. If they are friends they will perfectly understand that today they cannot get together and maybe tomorrow they can.
And like this kind of examples, in our daily lives, we are full. Do not hesitate to put the No. into practice. You will feel better with yourself.
SOURCES: https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/asertividad-la-importancia-de-saber-decir-que-no/; The power of a non-positive, by William Ury;
