Table of contents hide 1 Strengthening the self-esteem of our children. 1.1 Using empathy. 1.2 How to show empathy with children? 1.3 How to increase our ability to empathize? 1.4 What do we get with the empathy for our children? 2 Put yourself in my place . Series Why do children misbehave? Chapter 7 
"The father with relative inner peace finds his son's entry into the world easier than he who feels dominated by intense conflicts" Dorothy Corkille. If you are not well emotionally you will have “too much noise in your head” how to be able to listen fully to your children. If this is your case, I recommend you seek help, you will be better and your children too. The second way to increase empathy is to pay attention to our child's body language . In it comes most of the language. Look at the child when he speaks, his gestures, his tone of voice, and try not to be left alone with what he tells us. Another point that can help us increase the capacity for empathy is to change the attitude we have about our role as a mature father. It is easier to be empathetic if we understand that our role as mothers and fathers is that of a person who teaches the child and "nourishes" him to develop, and not to constantly lead and guide. It is very important to have faith in the ability of our children to self-direct (a complicated point to assimilate, but if we stop to think well, what is more beautiful to trust us? Once again I emphasize that this does not mean not setting limits. ) “It happens too often that, instead of trying to understand, we discuss, quarrel or put pressure on our children to organize their reactions as we would if we were in their place. The fact is that we are not our children. They have their own way of organizing their experiences, and that exclusivity must be respected. The attitude of those who tolerate differences and respect the integrity of others facilitates empathy. ” The happy child.
Strengthening the self-esteem of our children.
Using the empathy.
Have you ever felt that the only thing you needed was to be heard and understood? Do those occasions in which you do not want advice or even solutions, but simply recognize the moment you are going through? I imagine so. Empathy is the ability to understand the other from your point of view, to put yourself in your shoes, to feel what you feel. It has nothing to do with sympathy, and can easily be confused. The sympathy implies the positive attitude of the one who comforts us and tells us Poor thing! and tries to encourage us, he may even be able to make us laugh and let us forget a little about the subject. Empathy, on the other hand, makes us feel truly understood without judgment. Imagine that you are home late and very angry at work because there was a lot of work, and when the time has come to leave everyone has gotten `` escaped '' and they have left you alone with all the work, when you always help your partners and never leave until everything is done. You do not need to be told that this happens to you for always helping others, that people are not like you, or even that you would not have to stay longer at work. Nor do you need to be comforted by giving you reason, telling you how good you are and that you deserve a better job and that you look for another one. At that moment you just need to be heard and understood, and you will feel that this is so if they tell you: “Wow, you must have felt terrible at the moment when everyone has left and you have stayed with all the brown " Having empathy means paying full attention (chapter 1) to all aspects of communication: Words tell us about the facts, but our body tells us about our feelings. Not everyone has great empathy, but you can learn. It is not something innate, you can learn by practicing it.
How to show empathy with children?
The first step to show empathy is to accept the child's emotions, allow him to own them and not try to modify them. Just what we saw in the chapter last week. The second step to show empathy is to try to understand how the child feels without trying to figure out the “why” he feels this way and without trying to comfort. When we use empathy we don't look for motives or solutions, we try to try to feel the same as the child (as in the work example). (It's a complicated part, I know, it's hard for me because I always try to find solutions to everything and find out why, but the times I get it I notice how my son feels really understood, and that relieves him much more than anything I can tell you.) Imagine now that you are at the neighborhood parties and throw a firecracker in the street and your child gets scared by the noise and starts crying. What answer would you give him? Answer 1: Oh! but it is nothing! Do not be afraid if it has only been a firecracker, firecrackers do nothing. Answer 2 (empathic): Oh! What a loud noise! The truth is that it is scary (while you hug the child and with a tone of voice that shows that you understand). Although it seems that this is not going to help you overcome your fear of firecrackers, the result will be quite the opposite. By allowing the emotion to come out, your brain will be able to understand the logical reason for that noise and overcome fear. Emotions are a defense system and "nullify" the logic of the brain to focus all the attention on the focus that is causing that emotion, and thus be prepared for flight or attackHow to increase our capacity for empathy?
The first way to increase your empathy is to start with yourself. Freeing your emotions and feeling full in all aspects of your life.
"The father with relative inner peace finds his son's entry into the world easier than he who feels dominated by intense conflicts" Dorothy Corkille. If you are not well emotionally you will have “too much noise in your head” how to be able to listen fully to your children. If this is your case, I recommend you seek help, you will be better and your children too. The second way to increase empathy is to pay attention to our child's body language . In it comes most of the language. Look at the child when he speaks, his gestures, his tone of voice, and try not to be left alone with what he tells us. Another point that can help us increase the capacity for empathy is to change the attitude we have about our role as a mature father. It is easier to be empathetic if we understand that our role as mothers and fathers is that of a person who teaches the child and "nourishes" him to develop, and not to constantly lead and guide. It is very important to have faith in the ability of our children to self-direct (a complicated point to assimilate, but if we stop to think well, what is more beautiful to trust us? Once again I emphasize that this does not mean not setting limits. ) “It happens too often that, instead of trying to understand, we discuss, quarrel or put pressure on our children to organize their reactions as we would if we were in their place. The fact is that we are not our children. They have their own way of organizing their experiences, and that exclusivity must be respected. The attitude of those who tolerate differences and respect the integrity of others facilitates empathy. ” The happy child. What do we get with empathy for our children?
Empathy makes them feel that their way of seeing things is important to us, that we really care. It makes love understand and is the means of transportation to reach the child: Appreciation and respect need empathy to be understood. Empathy is the way in which the child realizes that true appreciation, the respect we offer him and that we really respect his growth rate. In addition, by applying empathy, we will find it much easier to remove the labels we talked about in Chapter 4 and avoid judgments.
In the future, empathy will help the child feel efficient, knowing that he is able to communicate with the people he cares about and reach them, which is very important for his self-respect. You will know that you can count on us and explain your problems. Children stop talking when they feel constantly misunderstood (and I confess that I, who am already a big girl, also stop talking and explaining what things when I feel they don't understand me). Empathy will help your children not stop talking, because they will feel safe to express their feelings and opinions.
And the benefit is not only for the child, but also for us, which will make us get closer to our children because “when you put yourself in the place of another, when you encourage a feeling about your views, suddenly a phenomenon: the behavior of that other makes sense. And then it is difficult for that behavior to make us angry or restless. ”
And as in all the chapters I tell you: We will not always be empathic with our children but the important thing is to work on it, and if we manage to connect with them only once, the following times will come by themselves, and will gradually predominate Empathy in your home, and discussions and tense moments will be less (those necessary to learn that in life not everything is always rosy).
Source: http://www.criarsentirvivir.com/
"Put yourself in my place". Series Why do children misbehave? Chapter 7.
