We stay in the age when we needed love
Very often I meet people who seem to be 20, 30 or 40 years old on the outside, but inside they are as if they had stayed in their early childhood, they still miss the love they needed when they were little. And they stay that way until the moment when they learn to find satisfaction on their own.
We stay in the age when we needed love.
Each stage has its needs, that is, the way we require the care and love of parents changes year after year.
In the early stage of childhood trust is formed, so at this point in life love is expressed with the care of the mother and her attention to the needs of the child. If during this phase the mother's affection is not constant or she rejects her child, that can cause him to distrust and fear too much for his well-being.
In adult life it is difficult to establish contact with these types of people; When they establish a relationship, it is common for them to feel the need to test the other person, subjecting them to situations that make them demonstrate their fidelity. When it comes to especially close interpersonal relationships, they may feel vulnerable and helpless.
A couple of years later, at 2 or 3 years of age, the child learns to be autonomous and develops self-control. If the parents hinder the development of these areas, for example by doing what the child can do for himself without difficulty, or on the contrary they expect him to do things that would be impossible, then the feeling of shame is created. On the other hand, if parents overcorrect their child without taking into account the real and natural needs of their age, it is expected that the child has trouble controlling the world around him, and controlling himself.
As adults, instead of being self-confident, these types of people feel that others analyze them in detail and treat them with distrust and / or disapproval. They may also have symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorders and delusions of persecution.
At the age of 3 to 6 years, love is shown by encouraging independence, supporting initiative, curiosity and creativity . If the parents do not allow the child to act autonomously at this stage, and respond with excessive punishment to the child's behavior, the feeling of guilt will develop in him.
The adult life of a person with this type of deficiency is characterized by the lack of focus and resolution to set real goals and achieve them. In addition, the constant feeling of guilt can be the cause of passivity, impotence or frigidity, and also of psychopathic behavior.
In school age, diligence and love of work develop. If in this period you doubt the child's abilities or his status in relation to others of the same age, that can break the desire to continue studying, and can also give way to the feeling of inferiority that in the future will end his own security in your ability to be an active and productive member of society.
If children perceive school achievement and work as the only criterion that determines their success, then in adulthood they will surely become the so-called "working mass" in the hierarchy of roles of the established society.
I propose to extend your hand to your inner child, and help him grow. For that, look for a picture of yourself when you were little, or just imagine the child who lives in you. how old are you? How does it look What do you think about? Who is by your side? What worries you?
Talk to him.
Take a sheet of paper and two different colored pencils, one with the right hand and the other with the left. If you are right-handed, with your right hand it will be your "I" adult who writes, and with the left it will be your "I" child who takes the floor. If you are left-handed, you do the opposite.
Now it's just about you and your inner child. Who will speak first? How will the conversation begin? The answers you will get could be unexpected and surprising.
Now, since you found your inner child and you are talking to him, it is time for a relationship to arise between the two: Talk with that child as long as he wants, Ask him what he needs: give him what he asks. Call him by his name (yours), say sweet and loving words, express your love, recommend something. Be the father you needed when you were that age.
Author: Irina Parfénova - Psychologist
Cover photo: Evgeniy Azarenok