What your son would tell you if he saw you when you cry because you can't anymore

Having a child, being a mother, being a father, is one of the most beautiful things that life can give you. Create another life, see her be born and see how it depends on you, your love, your warmth, your love, to grow and develop as a little person while giving you smiles and great moments.

At the same time, having a child, being a mother, being a father, is one of the toughest things that can happen to you in life, because dependence is absolute, because your need to survive can sometimes cancel you as a person and there are days when one wonders, sometimes in tears, "where the hell is my life?"

You are looking for a corner, or maybe not even that, because you would like to have a place away from everything and everyone where to sit down, little girl, to lick your wounds, and you can't find it. No, because when you think you've seen it, your baby appears again and cries again, to ask for your attention, a little more of your energy, and there, with your baby in your arms, you explode with a “I love you so much, but I can not anymore". A "maaás" that lengthens accompanied by a loud cry, that controls your breathing.

And what would your son say if he could answer? With the sense of humor that characterizes them, with eyes wide open and a mischievous smile: "Mom, I warn you that this is a spoiler ... quiet, in the end everything ends well."

How hard is this to be a mother?

And being a father too, but I focus on mothers because in most cases it is you who take care of the baby and consequently it is you who the baby looks for when he cries.

We arrived from work, "take it for a while, please, I have been with him all day . " And there we go, willing to spend a fantastic time with our children that, at best, can be an hour or more (if he falls asleep in our arms) and in the worst case, the moment comes About 3 or 5 minutes. That he is not comfortable, that you do not take him well, that “you are not a mother, that you return me to my mother”, who wants to breast. And of course, you say, "Honey, cry . " And she has just put one foot in the shower and is at the crossroads of leaving the bathroom naked in clear sign that her life is just an aggregate of her baby's life or to say “at least I need a time when the only thing that hears is the water falling. ”

And mom looks in the mirror, sees that her hair has lost its shine, that although she could say she is happy her face denotes the opposite and that she not only has fearful dark circles, but also gives the feeling that in a few weeks she has aged years .

But why didn't anyone tell me that this was so? Why did nobody tell me that my life was going to be destined to take care of this being so tiny that it doesn't understand that I can't anymore? And the chest starts to hurt, from the inside. Well, that is if you can identify where the discomfort comes from, because you no longer know very well if it comes from the chest, from the head, from the infinite dream or it is the whole body that complains. But yes, it seems that the chest manifests it, it asks you to sigh, again and again, as if that would eliminate the anxiety of knowing that when you leave it for a while in the crib, or in the arms of another person, it will look for you instantly, that when you finish breastfeeding, the other breast will ask you, that when you try to talk to someone on the phone you will have to hang up because you will be unable to hear the conversation, that you will go to the sink and there he will be able to crawl, knocking on the door because he thinks that mom has decided to put an insurmountable barrier to their lives.

If only a moment! For God's sake, I just wanted to screw up! And you start feeling lonely, very lonely. And the generalizations arrive: "nobody helps me", "my husband does not support me", "I have to do everything", and the discussions because "you do little and you should do more", because "I work and get tired", because "yesterday I told you to do this and you didn't do it", because "no, you didn't tell me, you will have dreamed it" ... And the nights, those nights that seem endless, those in which every night you put hope, let's see if at last you manage to recover a little strength and they always end up leaving you worse: “Why? Is it karma? Have I lost a bet? Did I hurt someone in another life so much? ”

Tears, desire to recover your life, doubts, uncertainty and that strange feeling of loving madly that little person who is making your life impossible, without wanting it.

“Quiet mom, in the end everything ends well”

If they could, if they knew how to explain it to you when your body says enough and they ask you to use up the reserves, that surely there is still a little energy left in your body, they would tell you that everything happens, that a day comes when they don't ask for so much chest, that comes a day when they eat, where they sleep all night, that comes a day in which that child who does not detach from your legs, who wants you to hold him in his arms continuously, that does not separate not even when there are other children, it begins to separate from you, to enjoy your company in another way and, even if you don't believe it, being with other people.

A new version of your baby that you never imagined would come. Well, you thought about it, because all the people we are in this world right now have been babies and we were born to a mother, and if being a mother were always so terrible, we would stop having children, and everyone would talk about it.

But nobody speaks, as much they say yes, that they sleep badly, that it is hard, but as they tell you with a smile you just think that what has happened to you is what has not happened to anyone, that Your baby is not well, that something is wrong with him. Or that you are, you are the one who can't stand it. That all other people were able to raise their babies without complaining and you are different, more lazy, that you endure less, that you do not reach the level of others. That you are not a good mother.

But it is not like that. Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, suffers it, because society now demands many more things than in the past, and now you not only have to be a mother, but also it seems that you have not had a son, and you have to go out, and keep feeding the love for your partner, and seeing your friends, and working, because hey, being a mother is not something that gives social value. Mothers are all, so it is not valued by anyone . Only the one who is living it, only the one who has it recent, or the one who remembers it because he fought against that stigma is able to give value to everything a mother can do. Only they, their partners, the day they stay with the baby and see that there is no way to reach everything, and the children, who sometimes, the day they go to school and have to write about the profession of their parents decide to talk about the most important in the world, that of their mother: To be a mom, which is very important because she takes care of the children (My son Aran said explaining it to the rest of the class).

So calm down, even though your son would want to give the matter excitement and not tell you the end, if he saw you at your worst, he would tell you that it will not always be that way because thanks to all the dedication, thanks to the time, to the energy spent and to the patience, the day arrives in which it learns to be less dependent and in the end, everything ends well.

AUTHOR: Armando Bastida

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