Jorge Llano, expert in Family Constellations: “The conflict appears to increase my level of awareness”
"Family constellations allow a deep reconciliation with those parts of us who are excluded or who live in struggle."
Jorge Llano is an international reference in the work of Family Constellations. Close collaborator of Claudio Naranjo for more than 20 years, Llano has founded the School of Gestalt Claudio Naranjo Human Transformation in Colombia and the Colombian School of Family Constellations. His energetic, carefree and unconventional character is also filtered in his therapeutic work, as well as in his enormous personal experience that includes the fact of having been a shaman's servant for years. His family constellation workshops held at the Institut Integratiu de Barcelona (www.institut-integratiu.com) always constitute an event as well as when he comes as a professor of the Postgraduate in Family Constellations taught at this same Institut.
The constellations constitute a very powerful technique to restore order in families and in relationships so that love can grow in them and at the same time in our interior ”.
How would you present family constellations to those who have never participated in a workshop or don't know what it is?
Family constellations are an important tool to improve ties with our parents, with others and especially our relationship with life. An important part of our discomfort is closely connected with family history and constellations constitute a very powerful technique to restore order in families and relationships so that love can grow in them and at the same time inside. When someone faces a conflict, the therapist places representatives from different parts of the problem. These representatives will make significant movements of the situation revealing what happens under the surface of the conflict and of the interpretations that each one makes about it. The constellations are applied in family systems, school systems and also in labor systems. We spend more than 60% of our life in a company in which the relationships we have with our superiors and with our partners are a reflection of the relationships we have or have with our parents. Who has dynamics with the mother, will always have dynamics with the company, who has dynamics with the father will keep them with the boss. Thus, when a company asks us for advice, through the constellations we understand the dynamics that are taking place in the company, in the equipment, etc. Constellations are a vital tool because the positions of each person, of each department are seen and we can strengthen a person, help them integrate them into a team so that they belong to the system and therefore articulate it within the team. In many work teams the constellations reveal the exclusions that are taking place, the dynamics that occur between departments and contribute to modify them to achieve an authentic synergy.
Is it about carrying out a diagnosis, let's say systemic ?
There is nothing more important than a systemic diagnosis because the person is always formed in a system. Any therapy should be applied after this diagnosis has been made. If it is not as if when a red light comes on in the car you intend to repair it by tapping the light, treating the symptom and not the cause of the disorder. It is about healing people who have healed their system because whoever has not taken the mother has not taken life and who has not taken the father has not taken his profession. He does not feel entitled or allowed to move forward. The constellations accelerate the result of other therapeutic techniques such as gestalt.
What does it take to be a good consteller?
It is very important that the consteller feels a deep desire to heal and a burning desire for transformation, to be a person who felt the call to serve and who is aligned with his soul. If the consteller has not carried out a person process it will be difficult for them to help others to do it. If the consteller does not live in love, he cannot help others to do so.
Would it be something like getting rid of the ego?
We must not live without the ego. We are like a horse car: horses are emotions, the coachman is the mind, the car is the ego, but whoever goes inside the car is the conscience who is the one who must say where the car is going. The ego protects the conscience, but we have left this because we live in a culture that has led the spiritual ... Although we are returning to the spirit and I think we are finding the way.
What is your vision of conflicts?
Conflicts are a wonderful opportunity for the system to carry out learning. They are like the fever that causes the system to rise in temperature so that it can overcome the disease. We must rejoice when a conflict appears because it does not offer the opportunity to renew ourselves and every family cell that is not renewed is doomed to die. That is why conflicts often come from the youngest, who are the bravest and the ones who express the most love.
Disease is a deep movement of the soul to shake our entire structure and get in the way of resolving a conflict.
What should we do before them?
The most important thing is to understand exactly what the conflict is about to see how we can deal with it, accommodate it and pay attention to it and thus transform it. We must understand that the denial of conflict is what leads our unconscious to behave drastically and mobilize a disease for example that forces us to look at it. In fact, disease is a profound movement of the soul to shake our entire structure and get in the way of resolving a conflict. When the conflict is denied, the situation is perpetuated, while when it is accepted, the resolution begins. Accepting conflict is accepting that things are not as you think, that the world cannot bend or direct it. You also don't have control of others. Accept what is there and what is not. From acceptance we put ourselves on the side of the universe and in this place from where we empower ourselves. Instead, in denial we deenergize. I like to ask people a question: What are you waiting to be happy? What has to happen for you to be happy? What and who really depends on you being happy?
And what would you say to someone who doesn't find a partner?
Well, many people stay in the search for a partner and are not willing to give up that title of search for the ideal partner. And in this title they got caught. Why do they live with the urgency of being in contact with someone? Isn't it that they postpone the encounter with themselves? Happiness is not going to come from outside, but they reside within us and one treats the outside as one treats oneself. If you are very critical of yourself, it is with others. And if you don't give yourself that deep hug to yourself, you have no space or place to hug the other. The important question to ask is: "Are you really giving one space to the other?" The need to be with the other must spring from tenderness and love, not from the egoic need. "Are you ready to love or do you intend to give yourself up for adoption?" Would be another matter to see. It is convenient to work on the deep acceptance of oneself and lower the expectation, increasing tolerance. You cannot forget that the other is also a person with difficulties in relating like you. Someone looking for a partner would invite her to trust and remind her that there is no ideal partner. I would also say loneliness can be a wonderful time.
What is the family according to your expert opinion?
When you get married, even if you don't want to or not aware of it, you are also joining the couple's family because no one can split their past or their environment. The family is one, the family is a great soul of which you are also part. And, when you mate, you take your partner with everything, that is, with the good and the bad, you become part of their family system. That person who is in front of you is only a shoot that belongs to a large tree and every member of his family is in his actions, his organs and in the parts that make up his life. When someone marries, he not only marries the family of the other, he marries the history of others, with their ascendants, their conflicts, their secrets, their shame and their virtues. We all take our family inside.
Give some vertigo. So a couple problem can respond to a problem with the family system?
In most cases it is so clearly. The outer couple is the same as the inner couple. Before taking the couple, I have to solve my own internal issues. Usually the couple is a receptacle of my frustrations. If I am still waiting for the unconditional love of my parents, I force the couple to give me that unconditional love that I never received. Couples are separated not because of partner problems, but because we burden the couple with personal frustrations that have nothing to do with it. It is important to avoid drowning the couple in this dynamic of movement "I love you - I hate you" so that it can get where it deserves. That is why when you get married you look towards an altar, to look towards the spirit, to something that is beyond two humanities. And when it advances towards the great the couple can furrow towards the immensity of the human.
Are constellations applied in the healing of diseases?
People who have been excluded from the family system can express themselves in different organs of the body. When we do not embrace our parents who are the ones who have transmitted our lives, we are not able to embrace life fully and that can lead to illness. When I am away from my brother, for example, this dynamic can be expressed in my body in my twin organs (ears, eyes, kidneys, lungs, testicles) because my body is telling me that there is something I have not learned to digest. And is that the conflict appears to increase my level of consciousness, the body becomes sick, the body screams. What I do with constellations is to take my brother, take my son, my wife and with it my body also takes those parts that were asleep, the body also takes itself.
What is living in love?
For me, to live in love is to live in inclusion, in tolerance. To live in love is to be completely reconciled with oneself, get out of the way you should and accept what one is. I have been a very sick person and the constellations have brought me a lot of peace to my inner family, a lot of health to the bonds that I have established with my partner and with my children. I would present the family constellations as a philosophy of life that allows us to be deeply reconciled with those parts of us that are excluded or that live in struggle and are represented by our family, friends, co-workers and the conflicts that appear in our lives. .