Joel by Jordi Morella

  • 2012

After so many years living in despair, pain and worry, Joel began to think that perhaps the only way out was suicide. A dark cloak that came from the sky surrounded his whole being. The desire to want to leave everything and disappear was so intense that he only had thoughts of taking his own life to end at once and free himself from his situation. His efforts had been extinguished and he had no courage to continue living.

He left home and headed for a cliff, just outside where he lived. He took the car like every morning, but instead of heading for his work, he took the direction to the outskirts, towards the viewpoint road. His heart was closed, desperate. I just thought I could finally rest and live in peace. When he arrived, he got out of the car and headed, convinced of the decision made, towards the railing that separated the void ... ... from the road.

The day was clear, and as the Sioux Indians said before the battle: " today is a good day to die." He approached the boundary of the railing, went to the other side and took the security structure. One step forward and everything will be over, he thought. His expression was of someone totally dejected. He felt alone and unable to continue the life he led. I only thought of one thing: rest, and if it was true what I had heard at some point in relation to death, I would start again with greater vitality, with new forces to face what I have to live. In these moments he felt empty and without any motivation.

- Joel! - There was a voice from nowhere.

- Joel! - He heard himself again.

That human being looked around and saw no one. He cast his gaze beyond ... and nothing, he didn't see anyone either. Finally he thought they were imaginations of his mind just before he died. He looked again at the immensity of the emptiness at his feet and thought that no one would notice his absence.

- Joel! What do you want to do?

- Can't you see I don't want to live? - he said in silence.

- Why?

- It makes no sense to continue. I'm fed up and I can't anymore - he told himself again without words.

- Do you want me to help you?

- Who you are?

- Do you want me to help you? - asked that voice again.

- It is not necessary, I can do it myself, as always I have done everything.

- Okay, do you want me to push you?

- I have said no! - He said this time out loud and in a bad mood at the insistence received.

- Do you want me to say something to the people at work?

- Why? They have never kept me in mind; They have never valued what he was doing.

- Is there anything I can do for you right now, I don't know, tell someone something you wanted to say and you didn't do it, or whatever else you want, let's say as a last will?

Joel was silent for a moment, and looking at the horizon said:

- People don't know what I feel. Nothing has gone well for me and I have lost all hope. It makes no sense to continue living.

- Is there any memory worth remembering as the last thought?

- Yes, when I was little, I played and lived so carefree! They have been the only moments of my life that have been worthwhile. The rest has been an ordeal. What is the use of having memories when what you have lived has only been pain and pain? I have felt so alone and misunderstood ...! (Pause) It is not worth growing up and becoming an adult.

- Do you think that if we could always be a child it would be worth living?

- Stop nonsense and touch your feet on the floor! Life is suffering and it is very hard to live it. You have no idea what I had to go through, and I can no longer. I want to finish the sooner the better.

At that moment an eagle appeared flying above him. He raised his head and watched as she flew in circles, clockwise, and rising more and more. Suddenly, it plummeted down to the height of where he was and about fifty meters in front of his presence.

- Would you like to fly like her? - asked the voice.

- I am a human, not a bird.

- Imagine you could do it. Would you like to fly?

- Yes - he said shyly out loud.

- Do you want to try it?

- Now I'm not kidding.

- Do you want to try it? - insisted the voice.

- What maybe I can?

- You have nothing to lose. Look, before launching you can try it and then you do what you think you should do.

After a few moments of silence, Joel replied:

- I have nothing to lose and it doesn't come from here anymore!

- Do you want to try it then?

- That I have to do?

- You must close your eyes, but first return to the other side of the railing. Then, if you want, you can go back to where you were and do what you should do.

- What nonsense - thought Joel!

He gave up momentarily to take the key step forward on the precipice and sat on a rock, next to a tree that was about three meters from where he was. Once seated, he closed his eyes and that voice was leading him to lead him to connect with his breathing.

Dejected and let go, that human entered into him through the air he was breathing and felt that his heart was sad and upset. He stroked it and gave it heat. When he had reassured him, he went mentally to the place where he was just moments before wanting to jump into the void. He visualized how his body was losing gravity and with his intention decided to launch himself to fly. After giving himself a small impulse he began to fall and fall, coming to think that the blow that would be given would be so great that he would kill himself. Suddenly, eagles appeared on each of its sides that, as they fell, were taking on a very enlightened human form, until they became two angels who, about five meters from the ground, caught each one by one arm, accompanying him until his feet made contact with the ground gently. Nothing happened to him. The fear he had initially disappeared when he realized that there was nothing to fear because they would help him, and that they were there with him even if he did not see them. I was not to be afraid of anything because in adverse moments They make presence and help you mitigate the blow. He had to be confident and until now he had not. He had to trust that his fears were only the result of a lack of trust in him and in them .

Joel opened his eyes restlessly and excited about what he had rebelled. He began to cry and saw clearly all his life and the insecurity he had had in all his experiences that had led him to make the decision to take it off. He stayed a lot of the morning there, sitting on that rock near the tree, feeling what he had felt inside, where everything consisted of having confidence and never doubting, because deep down, our pains are due to our fears, to the ignorance of who we are.

We are not alone. If I had counted on Them when facing my challenges! . If I had trusted them, now I would have gotten ahead!

In the afternoon he went back to work, but now he was a different Joel.

With the days, his companions began to value his work, and Joel began to smile and know what it was to be happy.

And you, do you already count on them ?

Trust, you are not alone. They are with you.

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