Table of contents hide 1 Why I got sick and healed. 2 Being aware that I am love was the most important lesson I learned, allowing me to let go of all fear and that was the key that saved my life. 3 4 Excerpt from the Book: “I Die for Being Me” by Anita Moorjani
Why I got sick and healed.
What I have come to understand. Why I got sick ... and healed.
During my NDE (I find Close to Death), I experienced so much clarity. The question they ask me most often when I am sharing my story is: "So what caused your cancer?" It is perfectly understandable that most people are so interested in that answer.
But before I get into it, I just want to alert you to the dangers inherent in this topic.
One of the risks is that what I say might seem that people who do not recover or still have cancer, or other diseases, are somehow "less" than those who have healed. This simply is not true!
It can also be very frustrating if what I say sounds too simplistic, especially when you or someone you know is suffering. This is one of the first problems with language - sometimes words can cause more harm than well-being. I want to emphasize that someone who still has cancer or who has not healed is a completely magnificent person. The reasons for his illness lie in his personal journey and are probably related to his individual purpose. Now I can see that my illness was part of why I am here and if I had chosen to live or die it would not be for that, less magnificent.
I know there will be those who disagree with what I say about healing, which is perfect.
I'm just expressing what I felt happened inside me at that moment, hoping that my words can help someone else.
As I said, the most frequent question they ask me is why I got cancer. I can summarize the answer in one word: fear.
What was he afraid of? Almost everything: to failure, not to like anyone, to look bad on people and not be good enough. He also feared illness, cancer in particular, as well as his treatment. I was afraid of living and was terrified of dying.
Fear is very subtle and we can gradually climb without our noticing. Looking back, I see that most of us are taught, from a very young age, to be afraid, although I don't think we were born that way.
One of the things I think is that we are already what we try to achieve during all our lives, but simply, we don't realize it! We come to life knowing our magnificence. I don't know the reason, but the world seems to tear it down as we begin to grow.
Start subtly at first with small signs of anxiety, such as not being loved or not being good enough, maybe because we look different from our partners, maybe because we are from another race, too tall, too small, too fat, or too thin We wish so much to fit in the middle! I don't remember being encouraged to be who I really was, nor true to myself, nor did they confirm that it was okay to be different.
All I remember is that little annoying voice of disapproval that I continuously heard in my head.
I liked others and was afraid of disapproval no matter where I came from.
I was maneuvering to prevent people from thinking badly about me and over the years, I lost myself in the process. I was completely disconnected from who I was or what I wanted, because everything I did was designed to win everyone's approval, except mine. own. In fact, in the years that led me to cancer, if someone had asked me what I wanted in life, I would have had to say that I didn't really know. I was so wrapped up in the expectations of my culture, trying to be the person I expected to be that I really didn't know what was important to me.
After my best friend, Soni, and Danny's brother-in-law were diagnosed with cancer, I began to develop a deep fear of the disease. I felt that if I had hit them, I could do it with anyone, so I started doing everything I could to avoid getting sick. However, to the extent that he read more about his prevention, he felt more that he was right to be afraid. It seemed to me that everything caused cancer. Read about how pathogens in the environment and in food were carcinogenic; Microwave ovens, the use of plastic food containers, eating anything with preservatives, using cell phones - all of them seemed to cause cancer. The list continued without limit.
He was not only afraid of the disease itself, but also of chemotherapy treatment.
As I described, Soni died while I was under that kind of treatment, which simply exacerbated my fears.
Slowly, I found myself terrified of both dying and living. It was almost as if I was trapped by my fears. My life experience was getting smaller and smaller because for me the world was a threatening place And then, I was diagnosed with cancer.
Although it seemed that I was fighting the disease, I believed that cancer was a death sentence. I went through the stages of doing everything I could, but in the back of my mind, I still thought I was not going to do it. And he was very, very afraid of death.
The fact that the scientists continually said that they were trying to find a cure for cancer indicated that there was still no known solution. This seemed to be an accepted fact, at least in the conventional medical world. To be informed that conventional medicine was the only option and that this discipline admitted that there was no cure, was enough to send a deep sense of terror to the center of my heart. The word cancer itself was enough to cause me fear and the shortcomings of science supported the feeling that I was going to die.
I still did everything I could, but the disease seemed to be progressing and getting worse.
Although most of the people I knew advised me against, I opted for alternative medicine because I felt that with conventional therapy, I was doomed from the beginning.
Instead, I took all the modalities I knew and as I mentioned before, I quit my job and dedicated myself to this process for years.
I tried healing through faith, prayer, meditation and energy sessions. I read all the books to which I could lay hands on cancer, I learned every possible connotation given to the disease. I worked in therapy of forgiveness and forgave everyone I knew and then I forgiven them again. I traveled to India and China, met Buddhist monks, Indian yogis and enlightened teachers, hoping they would help me find answers that would lead to healing.
I tried to be vegetarian, meditate on the top of the mountain, yoga, Ayurvedic medicine, the balance of the chakras, Chinese herbal medicine, pranic healing and Chi Gong.
But despite all this, my cancer continued to get worse. My mind was in a state of total confusion and I continued to lose myself, even more, in different healing modalities, trying everything, just to stay alive, while my health continued to deteriorate. As I described before, my body eventually stopped absorbing nutrients and I had a muscle loss to the point that I could no longer walk. The wheelchair became my only form of mobility. My head hung around my neck like an enlarged bowling ball and I couldn't breathe without the oxygen tank that never left my side. While I was sleeping, my husband stayed up all night just to make sure I was still breathing. My mother took care of me because I couldn't do it. It was very difficult for all of us and I could feel his pain added to mine.
I can't even describe how intense the terror I was experiencing was, day after day, while my body continued to deteriorate. I grabbed life with my nails. I went to spiritual healing groups where they even told me that this was my choice. I also heard that the world is an illusion.
I was very frustrated and afraid, wondering: Why would I choose this? How can I choose something different? If this is an illusion, why does it feel so real? If God hears all the prayers, why is he not hearing mine? I had been seriously trying everything I could: forgiveness, cleansing, healing, prayer and meditation. I just couldn't understand why this was happening to me.
But when it finally became too hard to bear, I let go. There was a total and internal let go. After cancer devastated my body for more than 4 years, I was simply too weak to continue ... so I gave up. I was tired. He knew that the next step would be death and he had finally reached the point where he welcomed him. Anything had to be better than this.
That's when I fell into a coma and my organs began to shut down. I knew that nothing could be worse than what my family and I were living. And then I started to dive into death.
The kingdom that I experienced when my body went out allowed me to see my own magnificence, without distortion by fear. I was aware that I had access to great power.
When I gave up clinging to physical life, I didn't feel that I needed to do anything in particular to enter the other realm, such as praying, singing, using mantras, forgiveness or any other technique.
Continuing was similar to doing absolutely nothing. It was something like saying to anyone in particular: “Well, I have no more to give. I give up. Take me, do what you want with me. You got away with it. ”
In that state of clarity in the other realm, I instinctively understood that I was dying because of all my fears. I wasn't expressing my true self because my worries wouldn't let me do it. I understood that cancer was not a punishment or something like that. It was simply my own energy, manifesting itself as cancer because my fears did not allow me to express myself as the magnificent force that was supposed to be.
In this expansive state, I was aware of how hard I had treated and judged myself throughout my life. No one was punishing me. I had finally understood that it was me who had not forgiven and not other people. I was who I was judging, who I had abandoned and who I hadn't loved enough. It had nothing to do with anyone else. I saw myself as a pretty girl from the universe. Just because it existed, it made me deserve unconditional love. I realized that I didn't need to do anything to deserve it - or pray, or beg or anything else. I understood that I had never loved myself, valued myself, nor seen the beauty of my own soul. Although unconditional magnificence was always for me, I felt as if physical life had somehow decanted or worn out.
This understanding made me realize that there was nothing to fear. I saw what I have access to - to which we all have access. And that's why I made a powerful choice: come back.
This decision, made in a conscious state, was the only and most powerful force that led my return. By the time I woke up again in my body, I knew that each of the cells would respond to the decision to return and that I would be fine.
Back in my physical being at the hospital, I understood that after all - all exams, biopsies and drugs - would be carried out to satisfy others around me. Although much of it was extremely painful, I knew it would be fine. My magnificent and infinite being had decided to continue living and expressing itself through this body, so nothing in the world could affect this decision.
I want to clarify that my healing was not born of a change in the state of my mind or my beliefs, but that I finally allowed my true spirit to shine. Many have asked me if positive thinking caused my recovery; the answer is no. The state I was in during my NDE went far beyond the mind and I was healed because my harmful thoughts were simply out of the way completely. I was not in a state of thinking, but in a state of Being. This was pure Consciousness - what I call magnificence! In this state of Oneness, duality is transcended. I was able to be in touch with who I really am, the part of me that is eternal, infinite and encompasses the All.
This was definitely not a case of "mind over matter."
I do not recommend the view that if we "believe in a certain way", we will be able to eliminate the disease or create an ideal life. Sometimes this can be too simplistic.
Instead, I focus more on the consciousness of being, which is different. Being so involved in beliefs that no longer serve us, can keep us locked in a state of duality and permanent judgment. What we support we consider "good" and "positive"; and what not, no.
This also puts us in the position of needing to defend our beliefs when others disagree. And when we invest too much energy in defending ourselves, we become reluctant to let go, even if these ideas no longer serve us. That's when our beliefs begin to possess us, instead of being the other way around.
On the other hand, being aware only means realizing what exists and what is possible - without judgment. The conscious Being does not need to defend itself. It expands, grows and can cover everything, bringing us closer to the state of Oneness. That's where miracles take place. On the contrary, beliefs only allow us what we consider credible and discard everything else.
So, no, it wasn't my beliefs that caused me to heal. My NDE was a state of pure consciousness, that is, a state in which all the doctrines and dogmas that I previously held were suspended. This allowed my body to re-initialize itself. In other words, what was required was an absence of beliefs for my healing.
The moment I completely gave up my strong desire to stay alive, I experienced death. And in death, I understood that it was not yet my time. When I was willing to let go of what I wanted, I received what was really mine; and I understood that the second is always the greatest gift.
From my NDE, I learned that strongly held ideologies really work against me. The need to act on concrete beliefs limits my experiences because it keeps me only in the realm of the known - and my knowledge is limited. And if I restrict myself only to what I am able to conceive, I am holding back my potential and what I allow in my life. However, if I can accept that my understanding is incomplete and I am able to be comfortable with uncertainty, this opens me up to the realm of infinite possibilities.
I realized that after my NDE I am very powerful just by letting go; By simply detaching myself from my beliefs and my non-beliefs, I open myself to all possibilities. This also occurs when experiencing greater internal clarity and synchronicity. I feel that the very fact of needing security is a blockage to experience higher levels of consciousness. On the contrary, the process of releasing and abandoning all ties to any belief or outcome, produces a catharsis release effect that leads to healing. The dichotomy is that for true healing to occur, I must detach myself from the need to be healed and just enjoy and trust in the beautiful journey that is life.
It was important to realize that I am much more than my biology, that I am something infinitely greater. And again, I want to reiterate that the disease is not our fault! Thinking that way can be frustrating for anyone who is sick; but I am saying that our biology responds to our consciousness; Our children, animals and our surroundings do too. Our consciousness can change the conditions of the planet in a greater way than we realize. This is because we are all connected - I never tire of repeating it enough!
For me, the first step to being aware is to understand how nature wanted things to be. This means being aware of our bodies and our surroundings and being able to respect the essence of things, without demanding that they be different - and this includes ourselves. We must understand the magnificence of how the universe intends to be without changes. We don't have to try to live to meet other people's perfection expectations and then feel inadequate when we fail.
I am at my highest level of power when I allow myself to be what life tries to make me that it was because my healing occurred only when all action conscious, on my part, it had ceased completely and the force of life took over. In other words, I am at my highest point of power when I work flowing with life instead of going against it.
It is very good that I talk to you about healing after I experienced it or that I told you to believe and let go of letting the flow of life take over; but when one is going through a really low period, it is difficult to do it - and, even more, to know where to start.
However, I think the answer is simpler than it seems and is one of the best kept secrets of our time. The importance of loving yourself. You can frown or lower your head disapproving of this idea but I can't emphasize enough how important it is to cultivate a deep romance with yourself.
I don't remember being motivated to never love myself - in fact, it never occurred to me to do so. It is commonly thought that this is being selfish, but my NDE allowed me to understand that this was the key to my healing.
In the tapestry of life, we are all connected. Each of us is a gift to those around us, helping each other to be who we are, weaving together the perfect picture. When I was in the ECM state, everything became so clear to me because I understood that being me is being love. This is the lesson that saved my life.
Many of us still believe that we have to work to be loving; That means living in duality, because there is one who gives and one who receives. Understanding that we are love transcends it. It means understanding that there is no separation between you and me and if I am aware that I am love, then I know that you are too. If I love myself, then, automatically, I feel the same for you!
In my NDE state, I understood that the entire universe is made up of unconditional love and I am an expression of it. Every atom, molecule, quark and tetra quark is made of love. I cannot be anything else, because this is my essence and that of the nature of the entire universe. Even things that seem negative are part of an infinite and unconditional spectrum of love. In fact, the universal energy of the force of life is love and I am universal energy! Understanding it made me understand that I don't need to try to be someone else, in order to be valued. I am already all that I could try to be.
Likewise, when we know we are love, we don't need to work to be loving towards others. Instead, we just have to be true to ourselves and we become instruments of love energy, which touches everyone with whom we are in contact.
Being love also means being aware of the importance of nurturing my own soul, taking care of my own needs, without putting myself last all the time. This allows me to always be true to myself and treat myself with total respect and kindness. It also allows me to see what could be interpreted as imperfections or errors, without judgment, observing them only as opportunities to experience and learn with unconditional love.
People ask me if it is possible to have too much self-esteem. Where is the limit, they ask me, where does one begin to become selfish or self-centered? For me, there is no such possibility. There is no limit. Selfishness comes from a lack of self-love. Our planet is suffering from that, just like human beings. We also suffer from exaggerated insecurity, judgments and conditioning. To really love someone unconditionally, I have to feel that way towards myself. I can't give what I don't have. To say that I have another person more consideration than myself is not real and it means that I am simply acting.
When I am being love, I do not feel exhausted, nor do I need people to behave in a certain way to be able to feel loved or for me to share my magnificence with them.
They are automatically receiving my love as a result of me being my true being.
And when I'm not judging myself, I feel that way towards others.
In view of this, I have learned that it is important not to be too hard on myself, if I am experiencing challenges. Often, the problem is not the cause of the apparent conflict, but the judgment I have of myself. When I stop being my worst enemy and start loving myself more, I automatically have less and less friction with the world around me. I become more tolerant and accept more.
When we are all aware of our own magnificence, we do not feel the need to control others and do not allow ourselves to be controlled by anyone. When I woke up in my infinite being, I was amazed to understand that my life could be dramatically different just because I realized that I am love and that I always have been. I don't have to do anything to deserve it. This understanding means that I am working with the life force energy, while acting to be loving works against.
Being aware that I am love was the most important lesson I learned, allowing me to let go of all fear and that was the key that saved my life.
ANITA MOORJANI - PART III - WHAT I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND
CHAPTER 15 - WHY I SICKED ... AND HEALED
Free and free Spanish translation of my wife and my review (Sep / 2012)
Excerpt from the Book: "I die for being Me" by Anita Moorjani
