ABOUT THE DEPENDENCY
It is what the mystics have told us. I am not saying that the "me", the conditioned self, does not sometimes return to its usual schemes. This is how we have been conditioned. But the question arises whether it is conceivable to live a life in which you are so totally alone that you do not depend emotionally on anyone.
We all depend on each other for all kinds of things, don't we? We depend on the butcher, the baker, the candle maker Interdependence. That's fine! We organize a society in this way, and assign different roles to different people for the well-being of everyone, so that we function better and live more effectively - at least we hope so. But relying psychologically on another person - what does that imply? It means relying on another human being for my happiness.
Think about that. Because if you do, the next thing you are going to do:
- Be aware of it or not, - is to demand that others contribute to your happiness. Then there will be another step: fear, fear of losing, fear of being alienated, fear of being rejected, mutual control. Perfect love drives out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, there are no expectations, there is no dependence. I do not demand that you make me happy; My happiness is not in you. If you left me, I would not condo myself; I greatly enjoy your company, but I don't hold on.
I enjoy without holding on. What I really enjoy is not you; It's something bigger than you and me. It's something that I discovered, a kind of symphony, a kind of orchestra that plays a melody in your presence, but when you leave, the orchestra doesn't stop. When I meet another person, the orchestra plays another melody, which is also nice. And when I'm alone, keep playing. He has a great repertoire and never stops playing.
That's what waking up is about. That is also why we are hypnotized, we are brainwashed, we are asleep. It seems terrible to ask, but can it be said that you love me if you hold on and don't let me go? If it doesn't allow me to be? Can you say that you love me if you need me psychologically or emotionally for your happiness? This contradicts the universal teaching of all scriptures, all religions, all mystics. "How could we have missed it for so many years?" I repeatedly say to myself: How was it possible that I didn't see it? When one reads these radical things in the scriptures, one asks: Is this man crazy? But after a while it starts
To think that everyone else is crazy. "If you don't give up everything you own, you can't be my disciple." You have to leave everything. It is not a physical renunciation, understand; that is easy. When his illusions are over, finally one is in contact with reality, and believe me, you will never feel lonely again.
Loneliness is not cured with human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality. I have a lot to say about that. The contact with reality, the disappearance of our illusions, the contact with the real. Whatever it is, it has no name. We can only know him by abandoning what is unreal. You can know what loneliness is when you stop clinging, when you give up your dependence. But the first step to achieve this is to see it as desirable. If you don't see it as desirable, how can you get close?
Think about your loneliness. Would it disappear by human company? This will only serve as a distraction. Inside there is a void, isn't it? And when the vacuum comes to the surface, what do you do? Run away, turn on the TV, turn on the radio, read a book, seek human company, seek entertainment, seek distraction. Everyone does that. Currently this is a big business, an industry organized to distract or entertain us.
HOW HAPPINESS IS PRESENTED
Return to yourself as your home. Observe yourself. That is why I said before, that self-observation is something extremely pleasant and extraordinary. After a while, you don't have to make any effort, because, as illusions begin to collapse, you begin to know things that cannot be described. That is called happiness. Everything changes, and you become addicted to consciousness.
There is a story about the disciple who went to the teacher and said: "Could you give me a word of wisdom?" "Could you give me something to guide me through my days?" It was the teacher's day of silence, way he took a pad. He wrote: "Consciousness." When the disciple saw him, he said: “It is too short. Can you expand it a bit? ”Then the teacher took the notebook and wrote:“ Consciousness, consciousness, consciousness ”. the disciple said: "Yes, but what does it mean?" The teacher took the notebook again and wrote: "Consciousness, consciousness, consciousness means: consciousness."
That is what self-observation means. No one can show you how to do it, because I would be giving you a technique, I would be programming it. But observe yourself. When you talk to someone, are you aware of it or do you simply identify with it? When he was upset with someone, was he aware that he was furious, or did he simply identify with his anger? Later, when he had time, did he study his experience and try to understand it? Where did it come from? What caused it? I don't know any other way to consciousness. You only change what you understand. You repress what you do not understand and what you are not aware of. You do not change, but when you understand it, that changes.
Sometimes they ask me: "Is this transition to consciousness something gradual, or is it sudden?" Some lucky people succeed in an instant. They simply become aware. Other are moving slowly, gradually, progressively. They start to see things. The illusions are over, the fantasies disappear, and begin to get in touch with the facts. There is no general rule. There is a famous story of a lion that found a flock of sheep, and, in amazement, discovered a lion among the sheep. He was a lion that had grown among the sheep since he was a cub. Balaba like a sheep and ran like a sheep. The lion approached him, and when the sheep-lion stood before the royal lion, he began to tremble. The lion said:
-What are you doing among these sheep? The sheep - lion replied:
- I am a sheep
- No, you are not a sheep - the lion replied - Come with me. Then he took the sheep - lion to a pond and said:
-Look!
When the sheep - lion saw its reflection in the water, it gave a great roar, and at that moment it was transformed. It never was the same as before.
If you are lucky and the gods are benevolent, or if you receive divine grace (use whatever theological expression you want), you could suddenly understand who, and would never be the same as before, never, Nothing could affect him again, and no one could hurt him again.
You will not fear anyone and you will not be afraid of anything. Isn't that extraordinary? You will live like a king, like a queen. This is what it means to live like royalty. None of that crap that your portrait comes out in the newspaper or having a lot of money. That is straw. You do not fear anyone because you are completely satisfied that you are nobody. He is not interested in success or failure. They mean nothing. Honors, misfortune, they mean nothing! If you behave like a stupid, this also means nothing. What a wonderful state!
Some people reach this goal with difficulty, step by step, after months and weeks of self-awareness. But I promise you that I have not met a single person who has spent time being aware that he has not seen a difference in a matter of weeks. The quality of your life changes, so you no longer have to accept it as a matter of faith. He sees it: she is different. Reacts differently. Actually, react less and act. See things you've never seen.
You will have much more energy, you will be much more alive. People believe that if she has no desire, it is like dry wood, but in reality, she would stop being tense. Get rid of your fear of failure, of your tensions about success; You will be yourself. Relaxed. I will not drive with the brakes on. That will be what will happen.
There is a beautiful saying of Tranxu, a wise Chinese, who took me the job of learning by heart. He says: When the archer fires without seeking a prize, he has all his skill; when he shoots to win a bronze medal, he gets nervous; when he shoots to win a gold dam, he blinds, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him, he cares! Think more of winning than shooting, and the need to win takes away its power. Isn't that an image of what most people are? When you are not living for something, you have all your ability, you have all your energy, you are relaxed, you do not care, because you do not care that you lose or win.
That is a human life. That's what life is about. That can only come from consciousness. And in consciousness you will realize that honor means nothing. It is a social conventionalism, that's all. For that reason the physicians and the prophets did not care about that at all. Honor or dishonor means nothing to them. They lived in another world, the world of the awake. Success or failure meant nothing to them. They had the attitude: I am stupid, you are stupid, so, what is the problem?
Someone said: The three most difficult things for a human being are not physical feats or intellectual achievements, they are, first of all, returning love for hate; second, include the excluded; Thirdly, admit that you are wrong. But these are the easiest things in the world if you have not identified with the mi . You are able to say things like: I am wrong! If you knew me better, I would see how often I am wrong. What could be expected of a stupid? If I have not identified with these aspects of mi, you cannot hurt me. At first, the old conditioning will protest and you will be depressed and anxious. You will grieve, cry, etc. Before I woke up, I was depressed: after I woke up, I'm still depressed. But there is a difference: I no longer identify with depression. Do you know how big the difference is?
You leave yourself and look at depression, and you don't identify with it. It does nothing to end it; He is perfectly willing to continue his life as she passes by you and disappears. If you don't know what this means, you really have something to discover. And the anxiety? There it is and you don't worry. how weird! He is anxious but not worried.
Isn't that a paradox? And you are willing to allow this cloud to invade you, because the more you fight against it, the more power it will have over you. You are willing to watch it as it passes. You can be happy in the middle of your anxiety. Isn't that crazy?
You can be happy in your depression. But you can't have a wrong concept of happiness. Did you think happiness was emotions or excitement? That is what causes depression. No one told him? You are excited, well, it's fine; but he is only preparing the way for the next depression. You are excited but feel anxious after that: How can I make it last? That is not happiness, that is addiction.
I wonder how many non-addicts are reading this book? If you look like the average group, there are very few, very few. Don't despise alcoholics and drug addicts: maybe you are as addicted as they are. The first time I saw this new world, it was scary. I understood what it means to be alone, without a place to support the head, let everyone be free and be free, not be special to anyone and love them all - because love does that. Shine on the good and the bad alike; It makes it rain on saints and sinners alike.
Is it possible that the rose says: “I will give my perfume to the good ones who want to smell me, but not to the bad ones? Or is it possible for the lamp to say: "I will enlighten the good in this room, but I will not enlighten the bad"? Or can the tree say: "I will give my shadow to the good ones who rest next to me, but not to the bad ones"? These are images of what love is.
He has always been there, directly in front of us in the scriptures, although we never wanted to see him because we were immersed in what our culture calls love, with his songs and his love poems; That is not love at all, that is the opposite of love. That is desire and control and possession. That is manipulation, and fear, and anxiety; that's not love. We were told that happiness is soft skin, a vacation spot. They are not those things, but we have subtle ways of making our happiness depend on those things, both inside and outside of us. We say: "I refuse to be happy until my neurosis disappears." I have good news: you can be happy right now, with neurosis. Want even better news? There is only one reason why you are not experiencing what in India we call anand: happiness, happiness. There is only one reason why you are not happy at this time: because you are thinking or concentrating on what you do not have. Otherwise, I would be happy. You are concentrating on what you don't have. But right now you have everything you need to be happy.
Jesus talked in common sense with the laity, with the hungry, with the poor. I was giving you good news: Take it, it's yours. But who listens? Nobody cares; People prefer to be asleep.
Anthony de Mello
Excerpt from the book: Awake by Anthony de Mello
