“Maybe our pain is showing us that we need to set a limit, that we are going in the wrong direction or maybe it is triggering a profound healing process.
It's okay to feel hurt, cry, heal ” Melody Beattie
I think it was many times that in our childhood they will have told us: "Don't cry, nothing happens", "When you stop crying I buy you ...", "Crying is not loud". If you were a safe child, you heard: "Children do not cry." With these phrases, an unhealthy need grew at the bottom of each of us that indicates that we should be able to be “strong”, repressing our tears, our anguish, sorrow, worry, pain…, hiding our vulnerability and thinking that We are able to endure everything as "superheroes." A kind of fear and rejection of pain has been created in us. However, we are no longer children, we are adults and it is our task to find the necessary tools to face our sorrows, pains and anguish ..., without this meaning escaping them.
“Today we don't have to fear pain so much. This one does not have to overwhelm us. We are getting strong enough to handle our feelings when we feel hurt . ” Melody Beattie
Sometimes we can feel that fear, anguish, insecurity, sadness invade us, but we do not let them express because when we were children maybe they did not give us that freedom. It is then that now as adults we do it to ourselves, silencing that frightened, insecure, sad inner child who wants to express himself, but now it is we who do not leave him. Holding on, evading, running away, fighting to not accept that we are vulnerable. We have our days when all we want is to cry, where we feel sorry, but we don't allow ourselves to express ourselves freely.
Let's stop escaping, let's hug what happens to us. You are not a "superwoman" or a "superman" who can with everything. We are vulnerable, there are things that hurt us, that overwhelm us, that move us, that affect us.
If we want to cry, we cry, let's arm our inner child who feels distressed for some reason, let's not turn our backs like maybe others did with us when we were little.
Let's not think that by crying one day our day will be ruined, we have no obligation to walk with a smile on our face knowing that we break inside. Now, over time, I have learned that the saying “Good weather, good face” does not mean that we smile because yes, although we know that all we want is to cry, express our sorrow or pain…, is not to hide that we have seen affected by something, does not mean turning my back on my sadness, my fear ... For me this saying means having the ability to fully experience all your emotions, that when we have a difficulty we are true to ourselves allowing ourselves the gift of feeling, because if I cry one day it won't hurt anyone, except me.
It means getting an apprenticeship from our not-so-good moments, without this meaning denying me the possibility of feeling my pain, of feeling vulnerable. Emotions become negative not when we allow them to be expressed, but when in that expression they overflow us in such a way that they interfere negatively in our lives due to lack of tools for their regulation. It is not the same to cry one day because I was fired from work, allowing myself to feel the anger, disappointment, frustration that this could cause me, than to spend a month crying for the same situation and not be able to overcome it.
“All we need is that when appropriate, we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable to feel hurt and take responsibility for our feelings, our behaviors and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We do not have to analyze our feelings or justify them. We need to feel them and not let them control our behavior. ” Melody Beattie
The best gift we can give our children is to allow them to express their feelings freely without restrictions. When they want to cry they cry, when they want to laugh they laugh ... Our task as parents and guides is and will be to shelter them, support them, accompany them, support them; give them the tools so they can express these emotions without harming themselves or others, giving them the tools for their regulation. Hopefully the day comes when the phrases: "Do not cry, nothing happens", "Children do not cry", "Cry is girls", and many others are eliminated from our vocabulary.
That we are not afraid that our children will see us cry, we will not hide, if they see that we accept these emotions they will do it too. Along with this let us explain that people also cry for various reasons and that feeling sorry, pain, sadness, fear is valid. This will allow them to accept their emotions, crying in this case as something natural, something that should not be ashamed of. And tomorrow will help them manage and regulate their emotions in a healthy way. They will allow themselves to feel fully, without hiding or rejecting what they feel. Accept with your fears, afflictions ..., be authentic.
Let us teach them to be strong by allowing them to accept and embrace their vulnerability ...
“Being in recovery does not mean being immune to pain; It means learning to lovingly care for ourselves when we feel hurt. ” Melody Beattie
By Evelyn E.
Source : https://cambiemoslaeducacion.wordpress.com/
Accepting our vulnerability makes us strong
